What Can Lindsay Lohan Do To Save Her Career?

Lindsay Lohan, who is virtually bankrupt and recently split with sugar mama Sam Ronson, is expanding her 6126 leggings line with pantyhose. This just sounds like a last ditch effort to make some money. I mean, pantyhose are just plain boring. What’s next, tube socks? Since hosiery generally goes for less than $20, we came up with some ideas for Lindsay to save her career and help her stay relevant, you know, because occasionally appearing on magazine covers and endorsing products doesn’t a lasting career make.

  • Lindsay was a little too fickle for Kabbalah to have a long-term effect. But she should totally become a Scientologist to save her career. No one in Hollywood was really thinking about Katie Holmes before she got involved with Tom Cruise and Scientology, but now she can’t go anywhere without being photographed. Lindsay would only have to quit her vices in order to hand over a hefty donation before her funds are totally depleted. Then, the Scientology career generator will start buzzing and project offers will start pouring in.
  • Lindz could become a respectable woman by having a baby like Nicole Richie did. After all those nights of binge drinking and chain smoking, I can’t see her wanting to ruin her too-thin body, so maybe adoption is best. The only problem would be finding a country that would give her a baby because you know the U.S. won’t. Maybe she could convince the Octo-Mom to let her borrow one. Then she could start designing a whole collection of baby products.
  • It’s about time for Lindsay to go back to the fellas after her little foray into lesbianism. Barron Hilton is the perfect guy because he’s trying to get attention for doing more than partying. He aspires to break out as a singer/songwriter and launch a reality show similar to “The Hills.” Dating Lindsay would be the perfect storyline because she has an ongoing feud with his sister Paris. And she and Barron can make crap-tastic music together like those other attention whores, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.
  • Reality television is definitely where it’s at for LiLo. If it doesn’t work out with Barron, she should develop her own show called “Confessions of a Real Life Mean Girl,” in which she goes back to high school with sister Ali Lohan, and the two compete to see who can wreak the most havoc by turning sweet and innocent students into total bitches.