The night’s going great, you can’t believe you’re hitting it off so well on a first date, he’s a great kisser, you take him home…
Whatever you do, don’t sleep with him.You’ve heard it before, but I’m not going to browbeat you about the immorality of going all the way on the first night. I’m also not going to say, as the London Telegraph does, that you’re likely to drive away relationship material if, as the adage goes, the man “gets the milk for free.” (If that drives him away, then be glad you’re seeing the taillights.) No, take it from a man who knows: there’s a hidden reason that—if you play it right—you should never have sex on a first date.
Holding out on the magic act for at least one night—and even for a number of candlelit evenings after that—will actually improve your sex life with the beau in question, both in the moment and down the line. When you know in advance that you’re not doing the deed, you have no choice but to compensate by exploring the full range of the available possibilities—whatever you dictate them to be.
Setting up limits with new lovers makes both of you focus on the little luscious details that can often get rushed over in the enthusiasm to get it on (especially if you’ve had a few cocktails). And once you’ve let the sexual barrier be broken, it’s harder to go back and work on the glory and wonder of engaging lips, of fingers tracing and teasing, and all the other delights that exist between first and third base. It’s not that all men will ignore these things, it’s just that a lot of them will be less motivated to give them the extra time once home plate is available.
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