Seven Things I Learned About Men From Working At Maxim

Earlier today, we posted an essay by former Maxim editor Keith Blanchard in which he listed the nine things he learned about women from working at the magazine. I worked at Maxim, and I learned a few things, too — about men, that is. Most of my lessons were gained from working with a predominantly male staff. In the editorial department, I was one of two or three females over the course of two-and-a-half years. Here are seven things that have stayed with me …1. All men are nerds.
When I first went to work at Maxim, I was nervous. I was convinced the staff would be a crew of former frat boys who would make sexist remarks and never respect me. While that was certainly true of a few (you know who you are), what I found was that most of the guys, behind all that frat boy humor and the fart jokes, were intelligent, goofy, often badly dressed nerds. My favorite kind of people! They liked “Star Trek” reruns, Backstreet Boys ballads, Lonesome Dove, and reality TV. They were like me — only with penises!

2. Guys don’t kiss and tell nearly as much as women do.
One of the guys I worked with – I’ll call him “The Velvet Wolf” – was quite the ladies man. He fit the stereotype of the sporty, womanizing jock. He was always dating and presumably always hooking up, but never once, despite the efforts of everyone in our office to find out the juicy details of his escapades, he never gave up the deets. The same discretion cannot be said for anyone at The Frisky. Did I mention I totally got laid this weekend? Schwing!

3. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, grosses out guys.
A favorite viral video around the office featured a man having sex with a horse. The horse had such rough sex with the man, the man died. The video was shot in the dark, so you couldn’t see much, but the SOUND of the video was so repulsive and frightening, it still haunts me. That’s why I wasn’t phased when I saw “2 Girls 1 Cup” or “Cum Omelette.” Thanks to the influence of the men I worked with at Maxim, nothing grosses me out anymore either.

4. Men love dares.
Dare a guy to do something, anything, and he will do it. In my time at Maxim, I witnessed guys: eat a piece of bread in under a minute (fail), drink a gallon of milk in an hour (fail), eat 50 Cadbury cream eggs (fail), wear women’s tennis outfits to a staff meeting (success!), set off fireworks on top of the building, showering Sixth Avenues in sparkles (done!).

5. Men love pranks even more.
Some of the better pranks I witnessed and/or heard about:

  • An editor’s entire cubicle was dismantled, moved to the abandoned floor five flights up, and reassembled with exact precision.
  • An editor’s phone was hidden in the ceiling (still plugged in), and a replacement phone was put on his desk. When his real phone would ring, and he would go to answer it, the fake phone would be dead. He was confused for days.
  • A staffer’s desk drawer was turned into an aquarium.
  • Another staffer’s desk was covered in flattened White Castle boxes (including the mouse, Kleenex box, and telephone).
  • I was never pranked and it always made me a little sad. Despite kick-starting their prankster ways in kindergarten by playing jokes on girls, men don’t enjoy pranking women nearly as much as they enjoy pranking each other. Also, men find it very, very, very lame if the victim of a prank gets mad.

    6. Guys do not understand your wardrobe.
    One of my favorite outfits was a wrap dress that was a little too short for me, so I wore it over tight jeans and tucked into high-heeled boots. The girls I worked with LOVED this outfit. The men, one in particular, hated it. HATED it. I have never understood why. Also on their list of hateful female clothing: culottes, pointy-toed shoes, and trapeze dresses.

    7. Men make great friends.
    Not to be a total sap, but some of my greatest friends in the world are men, and a few of them I met while working at Maxim. During my breakup, they provided as much support as my girlfriends did. Best of all, I knew they would be down to clock my ex, should they ever run into him. By the way, our lovely Mind Of Man is a former Maxim man, as are a few of the Guys On Our IM. And haven’t you learned so much about men from them, too?