Five Much Better Boyfriends For Rihanna

Rihanna was spotted getting rather cozy with Wilmer Valderama at Geisha House in Hollywood, where the former “That ’70s Show” star hosts a weekly karaoke night. Wilmer doesn’t have the best track record on the Hollywood dating scene. He has dated Lindsay Lohan, Mandy Moore, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Ashlee Simpson. And in March 2006 Wilmer went on “The Howard Stern Show” to kiss and tell about his widely publicized relationships. Classy! At this point, anyone is better for Rihanna than Chris Brown, but Wilmer Valderama, really? She can do so much better.

  • Something tells us Rihanna and Robert Pattinson would have a lot of fun together. And she kind of needs to get away from crazy American men, so why not date one of the most popular Brits right now? It would also be totally funny to hear them mimic each others accents.
  • Andre 3000 is adventurous, yet grounded. Rihanna needs an older man who can act as her mentor and protector, but can still keep up with the jet set lifestyle she enjoys. Plus, they both have been known to rock some out there fashion.
  • Benji Madden deserves a real woman after having to put up with Paris Hilton. Plus, he comes from a rather wholesome family, so she wouldn’t have to worry about being assaulted again. They’d look so cute double dating with Joel Madden and Nicole Richie.
  • Sean “Puffy” Combs is a bit of a relationship long shot, but he’d make the perfect rebound guy. Puffy would build up her ego by showing her off at a-list events, putting her on a Bad Boy single, and making pleasurable Tantric sex with her. She’ll probably have had her fill of him right around the time he became tired of her, and they could end things amicably.
  • James Franco could teach Rihanna that there’s more to life than fashion, the red carpet, and the paparazzi. As a painter, he could show her how to channel her negative energy into a hobby, instead of hopping on a plane the moment things get tough. Plus he could reenact his funniest scenes from “Pineapple Express” to make her forget her woes.
  • But really, Rihanna should choose to be alone right now. She’s been through so much publicly and personally that any new relationship is going to be rocky. She definitely has some issues that need ironing out, so her main focus should be on her, not sex or love.