I’m a Cancer (born June 27, 1989) and my lover is a Virgo (born September 12, 1987). We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months. We both have this emotional pull and undeniable attraction towards each other and think we’re soul mates, but something keeps bothering me. I feel like he picks on me a lot. He’s critical about the way I dress and how much I weigh. For example, the day we met, he poked my thigh and was like, “Maybe you should go to the gym and work out.”
I don’t know if I’m being extra sensitive, which I am most of the time, but I love my curves and don’t want to change anything about my body. I run four times a week and eat healthy. Little things he says and does make me think maybe he’s not that into me, even though he claims to want to spend the rest of his life with me and wants me not to leave him. Am I being too sensitive for this harsh Virgo? Am I taking the little things too seriously? – Criticized Crab Hell no! If you’re feeling a red flag, don’t second guess it. How else are you going to know if you are happy, unless you feel it? If something bothers you, don’t be too understanding of the person who is distressing you. Sure, Virgo is the sign of the critic and Cancer is known to be extra delicate in matters of the heart, but those statements are not just critical remarks, but flat out abusive statements that no one should be making to anyone they are suppose to love and respect! Meeting someone and saying they should get to the gym is tactless and an obvious sign that the person making those comments is insecure and is looking to put down another to make themselves feel superior.
It is disturbing that this relationship started with him making that kind of remark straight out of the gate and you didn’t just realize right then and there that isn’t cool — that only sets the stage for that person having the power to make more cutting remarks. After all, those kinds of comments over time will break you down little by little and, in turn, let Virgo boy control you to the point where you’ll seek his validation for the way you look.
The fact that this Virgo even thinks he could say these things gives major reason to pause — it’s not funny, helpful or true. Obviously, you should love who you are — but so should the person you are with and that means someone that gets you, appreciates you and supports you as is! Plus, you even said in your letter, “He wants me not to leave him,” which just supports the theory that this guy is controlling. Those words are like one of the last phrases you hear in a Lifetime TV movie! Only control freaks say that kind of thing!
However, even if he learns to curb his ridiculous sense of entitlement that makes him think its cool to make these brash and controlling comments, he will find something else to harp on. The bad news is the boy is a major Virgo, sun and moon and Mars — which means he is driven by perfectionist tendencies and is prone to thinking he is being constructive, when actually is often being an ass. Plus, you are majorly Cancer — as in sun, Venus and Mars, which makes you hyper sensitive to what people say and with each jab, it’ll make you more defensive and closed. Also, you have an Aries moon, which will give you the fire to defend yourself when need be, but this can mean sporadic explosions that occur at the more inopportune time.
Yes, there is potential for you two to work it out, but this will mean A LOT of communication and setting down strict boundaries. However, with so many rules that need to be in play, expect a complicated game. After all, who wants to spend their life guarding themselves from opinions based on someone else’s skewed ideals? That won’t bring out the best in you, especially if you want to be truly happy.
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