A recent essay on The Daily Beast asks, “Do Male Enhancement Pills Really Work?” My response — who cares? Men clearly, but they shouldn’t. As the economy tanks, men not only make up the majority of those who’ve been laid off, they also are more likely than women to not handle it very well. Are men suddenly even more desperate to grow their wangs because they’re coming up short financially? If so, what a wasted endeavor — whether male enhancement pills (and contraptions and extenders) work or not is irrelevant. It’s how you use your member that really enhances your sexual resume, fellas.Fact:* Men with big penises are generally not awesome at oral sex.
Another Fact:* Guys with smaller penises try harder in bed than guys with average or above average sized dongs.
One Last Fact:*** There is such a thing as too big.
Speaking totally in generalities, men are obsessed with their dicks. Men are also obsessed with money and, to a lesser degree, their height. When a dude is lacking in one of these three areas, he usually tries to make up for it by bulking of the two other areas, like, as a distraction. That’s why you see men with tiny weens driving Porsche’s or guys who are short walking around like they have a baby’s arm dangling between their legs. But when a guy is over-endowed in one of these areas, he starts to slack elsewhere. Make a ton of money or have a huge wang? Probably don’t pay as much attention to foreplay as the average incomed, average wanged dude. Now that the economy is in big trouble, men are losing their jobs and panic is setting in, and as a result, dudes seem to be making a beeline for the one thing they think they can control — alpha male dominance in the bedroom, via big, hard erections that scream, “I’m still a man!”
But a bigger wang does not necessarily equal a bigger orgasm (or one at all) for women. So when are dudes going to start associating confidence and machismo with successfully getting a woman off? That’s a trend I could get behind.
*These are not in fact FACTS, but general statements that, for the most part in the writer’s experience, are basically true.
***This is totally a fact.