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Barbie Was A Naughty Bitch

Today is Barbie’s OFFICIAL 50th Birthday, after many weeks worth of pre-celebration (she always seemed like a party girl…). There’s always going to be debate over the positive and negative effects that Barbie has on little girls, but I think most women would agree that there is one universal truth when it comes to the doll — Barbie was not nearly as wholesome as Mattel intended for her to be. Sarah Haskins writes about objectifying Barbie in The Washington Post, while Hortense over at Jezebel talks about the decapitation phase she went through with her Barbie, Ken, and Skipper dolls. Personally, I used to strip Barbie, Ken, and friends of their clothes and make them hump in various sexual positions, all the while feeling highly sneaky and naughty. With that in mind, I asked some of our Frisky gals what they did with their Barbies besides dressing them up and playing house…

“Actually my favorite was Skipper, and I always felt when playing Skipper that I wanted Ken’s attention. So that would probably explain my tendency to date older men…” – Leonora

“I made Barbie have sex for money and I kept 90% of her pay.” – Wendy

“I stuffed Barbie’s clothes so she looked pregnant, I gave Skipper a boob job with Playdoh. Barbie and Ken were always having sex, but I made her get on top because I thought he’d crush her. My Mrs. Heart grandma was kind of a foxy lady, so I had this story that she had sex with Grandpa Heart and got pregnant even though everyone thought she was too old. Her family wanted her to terminate the baby for health reasons, but she decided to have it anyway. Obviously I saw ‘Father of the Bride 2.’” – Annika

“My cool older cousin, a punk, and I would chop Barbie and Skipper’s hair into mohawks, color it black with markers, give them tattoos and hang them by the necks in little nooses. Kinda dark I guess.” – Erin

“I used to dress Ken up in Barbie’s clothes and then make naked Barbie fight Ken to get them back. ‘Hey, that’s my ballgown, sucker!’ It was very Blacksploitation meets Lucky Chengs.” – Simcha

So tell us — what sordid fantasies did you have while playing with Barbie?

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