The smarter you are, the harder it is for you to get laid. Well, that’s what Dr. Alex Benzer, a Harvard man thinks. The Ivy League snob believes his fellow private college geniuses (yes, he even listed specific schools that qualify) suffer under the weight of their giant brains. So, in a piece for the Huffington Post, he gave his five reasons why smarties can’t get in anyone’s pants. Here are the Cliff’s Notes style version for us lazy students, plus five of our own theories…
1. Ivy grads learned a cause/effect relationship to love — learning stuff from books equated to love from their parents. But as adults, love is built through thoughtful, caring relationships and that just wasn’t a section on the SATs.
2. Ivy grads people feel entitled to love because their smarts make them among the world’s best humans.
3. Ivy grads feel like people don’t see them as sexy because they’re smart.
4. Ivy grads’ exceptional talents keep them tangled up in thought, not in sheets. To them, humping seems so déclassé!
5. Ivy grads are too smart to date 95% of the population because they’re too dumb to ever understand them.
Disclaimer: Many Ivy League grads survive completely unscathed, realize college is just a stepping stone, and continue to be loving, inspiring, geniuses. However, the doc really hit a lot of reasons it’s hard to date people who consider themselves to be among the greatest minds of their generation, Ivy or not. Although, as a regular single gal, with an average IQ and a few Ivy League exes, I think there are a few items he left off his list. Yes, that’s right, my unimpressive, yet experienced brain can come up with things he hasn’t thought of — ha! So here are my reasons brainiacs are screwed up when it comes to getting screwed:
1. You brag about yourself, your college, and your achievements at least twice as much as you ask me questions. I know that you’ve been trained to toot your own horn as a way to impress people (like employers), but in a romantic setting, this behavior immediately shows me that you think you’re better than me. I’m looking for a partner in crime, not a tutor.
2. The only time you don’t take yourself seriously is when you’re so drunk you think you can act out. I know you think your drunk self is the way you think regular people act, but that’s just makes you seem like an even bigger pretentious d-bag. I’m a lady and I hold my liquor like one.
3. There’s a difference between pride and prejudice. We all value a good education, but stop thinking your slumming it with someone just because they didn’t go to Yale too. Instead of trying to compare our accomplishments, why don’t you see how we compliment each other. That’s what sexy time is all about!
4. Even your dating advice has to be exclusive to Ivy Leaguers. From your college admissions to your country clubs, everything you do is catered to your class. When are you just going to feel like you can share something? I learned how to do that back in day care!
5. Hey Ivy League! You let a man who wrote a book called The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Embracing Your Inner Goddess & Finding the Fulfillment You Deserve work at the finest school in the country. Then he goes and throws the name around in a way that drags your brand through the low-brow mud, despite its attempt to talk to a high-brow audience. So, really is everyone in the Ivy League club all that?