Swing Clubs: The Rules

If you’re thinking of taking a swing at it, being prepared is key if you don’t want your first time at a sex club to be your last.

Establish Ground Rules. Before stepping foot in a club — especially if you’re going with a significant other — know your limits. A few weeks before my first swing club outing, Tom, the polyamorous married blogger behind Polyamorously Perverse stressed to me the importance of knowing what you can and can’t handle. “It’s one thing to imagine it, and it’s another to actually confront it,” he warned. “If you and your boyfriend are at a swingers club with another couple, and she puts his cock in her mouth, are you going to freak out?” Point taken.Just Say No. You’re never under any obligation to participate at a swing club, no apologies or excuses necessary. If someone you’re not into approaches you, a polite “no thank you” will get the message across. If that sounds too curt, explain that it’s your first time and you’re just there to watch.

Don’t Give Mixed Signals. Ladies, if you’re at a swing club alone, make sure you don’t tack on a “maybe later,” if you’re not interested. You’ll regret it three hours later, when his hand is still on your ass.

Always Ask First. Before joining anyone that’s already fooling around, make sure they’re aware of your intentions. A simple “May I?” will suffice. But don’t just barge in there—wait for the right moment. If you have your eye on someone and they’re mid-multiple orgasm, hold off.

Dress To Impress. This isn’t your annual office Christmas party, so don’t be afraid to let a little leg show. Guys, a nice dress shirt paired with slacks (or nice jeans, if the club allows it) is standard. Looking to make more of a fashion statement? Get creative with your underwear. If there’s ever a time to break out the red silk boxers, this is it. Ladies, keep the denim at home and slip into the slinkiest dress you own (bra and panties optional), and top it off with a pair of heels. If you’re wearing lingerie, make sure it’s not comically difficult to take off. And keep it sexy with a garter belt and stockings instead of control-top pantyhose.

Adhere To Your Club’s Naked Rule. Every club is different, but you can expect to find a buffet, a bar, porn playing on a TV, couches, and a few playrooms. The playrooms are usually where the action happens, though you’re likely to see couples fooling around all over the club. But some clubs have a naked rule for the playrooms even if you’re not participating, so don’t be the fully-clothed creepster just leering.

Be Friendly. There’s no need to strip and start going at it as soon as you walk in the door. Most swing clubs have a buffet and a BYOB alcohol policy (they provide the drink mixers), so grab a glass of wine and a few snacks, and take a seat. Make sure to ask other swingers what their favorite clubs are—you’ll get great tips on the best nights to find what you’re looking for, whether it’s a huge party or a smaller, intimate event.

Be Safe. Bring more condoms than you think you’ll need, and if you have a funky looking “pimple” on your junk, get thee to a doctor, not a sex club.