Dr. Manhattan’s Big Blue Penis

If you live under a rock, you might not be aware that “Watchmen” opens this weekend. Based on the comic book series of the same name, the superhero flick is set in the Cold War era of the ’80s, a Doomsday world in which superheroes are more complex than heroic. Billy Crudup stars as Dr. Jon Osterman, a.k.a. Doctor Manhattan, a computer-generated superhero who glows a digital blue after a radioactive accident. (Check out the trailer here.) So, what’s the big deal? Well, Dr. Manhattan is causing a kerfuffle because he spends part of the movie totally naked. Now, movie critics are left figuring out how to describe the Dr.’s dangle. A few of the best, after the jump. “Last and hugest is Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup), who is buff, buck naked, and blue, like a porn star left overnight in a meat locker.”

“… Flashing a few yards of giant blue wiener … [Dr. Manhattan’s] interests had turned to physics and Mars despite his giant blue penis.”

“Not so Dr. Manhattan, who came by his glowing blue full-frontal nakedness through an industrial accident that forced the defence department to remove its ‘237 days without a scientist irradiated’ sign. He doesn’t show much emotion but is clearly waiting for someone to look at him askance: ‘What, you never seen a cerulean penis before?'”

“What’s totally distracting about this is that the giant blue guy walks around naked a lot of the time with his impressive blue penis swinging around in front of him. One or two times is OK for a glimpse, but this is in your face a lot, and certainly will make the straight guys uncomfortable and feeling inadequate.”

“Who’s afraid of the big blue c**k / Big blue cock, big blue c**k? / Who’s afraid of the big blue c**k? / Tra la la la la.”