WTF?!: Target Misses With Alexander McQueen

In the past, Target has worked women into a frenzy by having high-end designers make affordable fashions for us po’, fat, regular folk. Isaac Mizrahi made Target chic with his classic cuts; Rogan Gregory created an uproar with his animal print fabulousness; Luella Bartletley made us want to wear puffed up party dresses again; and we really got into Paul & Joe’s cute, feminine prints. But that was then, and this Alexander McQueen collection is now! I’d rather gaze lovingly at his designs, day dreaming of the day when I can afford a pair of his peep-toe pumps, than have this crap cluttering my closet. Seriously, a black and blue mesh wrap dress? Who’s that for? A hooker who likes to go straight to the basketball court after work? The model doesn’t even look good in it! Plus, that badly tailored reject is like $50 bucks. If I’m going to blow that much cash, I don’t want to look cheap!

This betrayal is a double-whammy. McQueen is one of my favorite designers to drool after, and Target is the affordable store I buy my most intimate possessions, like condoms, TP, and deodorant, in bulk. Look, McQueen isn’t for the average woman. Some people shouldn’t design for the masses, but Target has made hiring those designers a habit (cough, Richard Chai and Thakoon) and the end result seems careless. The collections aren’t cohesive or wearable. But I don’t want to sound like a Debbie Downer, because based on Target’s track record, I do believe they can succeed again…with our help, of course. So, here are 10 designers we’d like to see strut down their bargain aisles:

1. Mayle: This label, designed by Jane Mayle, did a great job of taking stupid styles, like poofy jumpsuits, and making them simple and sophisticated. We were so sad to hear that it was going out of business! A cash flow from Target could put them back in production, but at a more accessible price point.
2. Built By Wendy: Colorful, unpretentious, and well-tailored, this label elevates what everyone wants to be wearing.
3. Miss Sixty: This trendy label could turn the hotness out and keep their cool!
4. Safe: Indie designer Rebecca Turbow has been making the awesomest clothes without The Man’s interference.
5. Diane Von Furstenberg: Bold prints have been a big success for the Target lines and DVF can even kick it up a notch with her flair for flattering wraps.
6. Betsey Johnson: The punk designer should be able to work with a punk price point.
7. Tracey Reese: Her flowing styles and fun prints pop on the runway, but they’d also look glam just walking through the grocery store.
8. Versace: Let’s face it, there isn’t much material involved in their stuff and Donatella is no stranger to looking like she’s slumming it.
9. Foley & Corinna: Flirty and feminine, this line gives their clothes great movement. We bet their Target stuff would fly off the shelves!
10. Tory Burch: While her accessories have been all the rage, her clothes seem to be playing second fiddle even though they’re first rate. Perhaps a Target line could spread the goods!