25 Things About My Sexuality

The awesome blog 25 Things About My Sexuality compiles and posts the anonymous sexual confessions of its readers. Some are heartfelt…

“I’m not a prude, but I dislike talking about my sex life, even in therapy. I was raised in a household where sex and sexual issues were taboo even though my folks walked around naked and had five kids. That contrast is probably a big part of the reason I find it embarrassing to discuss sex.”

While others are hilarious…

“My mother caught me masturbating as a kid. As a result, I feel guilty each and every time I masturbate. Even saying “I Masturbate” makes me want to throw up a little.”

And many are just plain WHOA…

“My first orgasm was when I was about 8 years old, and it scared the crap out of me, kind of literally. I was at a friend’s house, going “number 2,” and it was a really hard one to get out, so I was squeezing my legs together a lot…and I felt “that feeling” between my legs, but I didn’t know what it was. I kept pumping, long after the poop passed, until something happened, but it wasn’t pee and I didn’t know what it was…now I get it.”

After wasting a good hour reading some of these lists, I was inspired to come up with my own. I hope you’ll contribute in the comments — you can keep them as “tame” or as cuh-razy as you’d like, of course …

1. The first dirty book I ever read was my grandmother’s copy of Jackie Collins’ Lucky Chances. It was the only book she kept in the den and I would always lock myself in there and pour over the pages. I still have no idea if she ever noticed that the spine was broken at all the dirty parts.
2. Actually, most of my early sexual urges go back to books. When I was 11 or so, my parents gave me a book about the female body and I skipped past all the menstruation and birthing nonsense and went straight for the masturbation section. My skill was born!
3. I was a hussy in preschool. I used to walk around and flash my crotch at all the other kids.
4. But the one who had my heart was Che. We used to make out. I still remember him fondly.
5. But then I went through a majorly prudish stage. I didn’t actually kiss a boy until I was 18 (I know, I know, and I edit this blog?!) — he was 25 and he also felt me up. It was a big night for me.
6. Then I didn’t lose my virginity until I was nearly 21 (again, I know, I know, I edit this blog?!) — I can’t remember the guy’s last name and to this day I call him the Switcheroo, because I didn’t know we had had sex until two days later. You can read about THAT here.
7. But before I lost my virginity, I did engage in other activities. I gave a guy a blow job in a bar stairwell once; another guy got one on top of a hotel in Rome (he was the concierge).
8. I have thrown up twice while giving blow jobs, thanks to overly confident deep-throating.
9. I walked in on my parents having sex once and it is still traumatizing to me.
10. My paternal grandfather had the world’s dirtiest fetish book hidden next to the toilet in his bedroom. He also had a drawer filled with lacy, lady underpants. He didn’t like it when my cousin and I found them.
11. I once masturbated in the back of the car while driving to the Grand Canyon with my parents and little brother. I was reading some raunchy V.C. Andrews or something, and just squeezed my legs together until I got off. No one was the wiser!
12. I tried anal sex once and it was effing horrible and I will never do it again. Never.
13. I also will never have a threesome with a boyfriend. I would maybe consider having one with a man and another woman, but never two guys. Oh, and also, I would need to not know them, like, in a friendly way. They’d have to be randoms. I don’t want to see them again. That would be awkies.
14. I am an avid porn watcher. By avid I mean, like, once a week.
15. The most amount of times I’ve had sex in a day is four. No wait. Five?
16. For a while I thought maybe I had a low sex drive, but then I realized, post-breakup, that I just wasn’t that attracted to him anymore! Oopsies!
17. I love the following: dirty talk, spanking, and doggy-style.
18. I am less enthusiastic about the following: being on top (I’m lazy), food of any sort in the bedroom, and anal (see #12).
19. I know for a fact that I have slept with 16 people, but for the life of me I can only remember 15 of them.
20. Of those 16, I kind of wish I hadn’t slept with three of them — “Drew” was just a waste of time, “Matt” was a horrible person with huge balls, and “Marshall” was sweet but a two-pump-chump. Also, the quotes around their names may or may not indicate that those names are fake. Hee-hee!
21. I like to use a vibrator sometimes when I’m having sex, but am slow to introduce it with a new partner. I don’t want him to feel bad!
22. I still give hickies. Sorry!
23. I’m not an exhibitionist, am more of a voyeur.
24. I’m pretty tame in my actual sex life, but cuh-razy in my fantasies. That’s all I’ll say.
25. I have absolutely NO desire to see what I look like when having sex so there’s not a sex tape in my future. I think it’s probably ugly. Which is why I won’t look in a mirror during sex either.

Tags: lists, sexuality