Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…
This week’s “Doin’ It With Dr. V” was inspired by a letter I received from a lady who just doesn’t know how to switch things up with her man who has a specific regimen for getting off. So, I’ve got some tips for her on how to get him to cross the finish line — and in record time! As for the rest of you, keep those letters coming. You know I just love to read your smut too! To send me a question or suggest a topic for a future “Doin’ It With Dr. V,” email me!
“It takes my boyfriend anywhere from 45 to 90 minutes to have an orgasm. We start out with intercourse, but I have to give him a blow job or hand job in order for him to cum. He hasn’t cum in me, while we’re having intercourse, in about four months. What’s the deal?”
Ugh, the way you describe an hour-and-a half of sexy times makes it sound like a bad thing! Instead of focusing on who comes where and how, when it happens it should be like a big, hot payoff — hence the term “money shot.” From your description of doin’ it, you’ve even got Dr. V feeling the pressure to get off and get out. No one can relax enough to orgasm when they’re under that kind of pressure! But because you’re clearly concerned and are trying to satisfy your BF, I know that you care. So, I’m sure you can turn this sex into a good time had by all!
First things first, it’s not weird or strange that he doesn’t want to ejaculate inside you. A lot of people find that considerate — since they don’t want to get anyone pregnant. There are a few possible reasons he doesn’t finish inside you:
1. He likes to see his gun shoot ‘em up! Men, especially, enjoy sex and all its visual stimulation.
2. When you’re having vaginal sex, he’s workin’ hard to keep things going. So, when it’s time for him to get his, he just wants to sit back and relax.
3. He doesn’t feel like getting off while he has a condom on.
4. This reason would probably be the #1 surveyed answer if we were playing ”Family Feud” — he is just nervous about his super sperm knocking you up.
But I’m only guessing and the person with the real answer is your boyfriend. He already goes to your deepest, darkest, most intimate of places, so you should feel like you can ask him what he’s thinking. I’m glad you felt comfortable discussing it with me, girl, but you’ve also got to talk to him. So, speak up about what goes on in the sack!
Now, at forty-five to ninety sexy minutes, your BF has an impressive stamina, especially considering that the average man can pop like a bag of microwave popcorn in two to five minutes. On the other hand, no lady wants a minute man because it takes us twenty-thirty minutes, on average, to get off. Since so many guys are criticized for prematurely ejaculating, maybe he’s purposefully trying to be a good lover and wants to make it last all night! But it’s quality over quantity — are you getting what you want/need out of sex with him? Does he seem frustrated with the how long you two have sex? It’s one thing if he wants to get off for an hour, and can’t seem to, every time. It’s quite another if you just wish the sex would be over faster…and lack those thrilling frills. No one can orgasm if they’re feeling tense about their performance. So, if he’s seeing that you’re bored and watching the clock, he may be thrown off his game because he feels guilty about his desire to ravish you. Let the man have his cake — and eat it too! Sex just isn’t sexy if your partner isn’t into it. That being said, in light of your frustration, I do have a big question for you: Does he pay as much attention to your orgasm as you do to his?
You know his routine and even though you don’t understand it, you’re still giving it to him, which makes you a considerate partner. So, that’s a great start! But I think a big issue is that you see the sex as a chore. Let him know you want things to be passionate and satisfying. Your man needs other forms of stimulation, like most women need some attention paid to their clit. Who can blame him for wanting it? So, here’s what I think you should do to really get into your groove — put on some lingerie, dim the lights and get the party started by surprising him with your enthusiasm! You’re finishing sex with the traditional warm ups, the handy or the BJ. Those two sexy time techniques are mainstays of foreplay, so I say switch things up! Why not start out by giving him what he wants in the end — a BJ? Pick up some sweet new oral sex moves so you can rev his engine and start you both off with a bang! And hey, maybe all that oomph will give him a need for speed.
Good luck and thanks for writing in!