How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend In 44 Easy Steps


There’s a short video making its way around the internet called “How To Break Up With Your Girlfriend In 64 Easy Steps” that satirizes the typical highs and lows of an average relationship so well and surprisingly succinctly, I’ve watched it no fewer than, like, 18 times in the last week. It’s not perfect, though, mainly because it’s completely from the guy’s point of view and because, well, 64 steps is a lot. Being the more efficient sex, we ladies can break up with our guys much more quickly. So after the jump: How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend In 44 Easy Steps.
1. Get a boyfriend

2. Tell everyone you know you have a boyfriend

3. Update your Facebook profile to reflect that you now have a boyfriend

4. Stop hanging out with your friends so you can spend every minute with your boyfriend

5. Go on the Pill so you can have lots of unprotected sex with your boyfriend

6. Start reading The Knot and daydream about planning a wedding with your boyfriend

7. Look for apartments on Craigslist that you can move into with your boyfriend

8. Stock your fridge with your boyfriend’s favorite beer

9. Get annoyed when your boyfriend wants to hang out with the guys one night

10. Get angry when you and your boyfriend run into a girl he used to date at a party

11. Go balls-out ballistic when you and your boyfriend run into one of his co-workers and he introduces you as his “friend”

12. Break up

13. Tell everyone you know you’ve broken up

14. Change your Facebook status to reflect your breakup

15. See your friends for the first time in six months

16. Spend a weekend watching as many episodes of “Sex and the City” as you can

17. Decide that your ex-boyfriend is totally your Mr. Big

18. Go to Macy’s just to smell your ex-boyfriend’s cologne

19. Get a short haircut

20. Sleep with some hot random younger guy you meet in a bar one night

21. Tell everyone you know you slept with a hot random younger guy you met in a bar

22. Wonder why hot random younger guy never calls you afterward

23. Wonder why your ex-boyfriend never calls

24. Decide to call your ex-boyfriend and tell him you think you left one of your “Sex and the City” DVDs at his place and you want it back

25. Put on a cute new outfit and meet your ex-boyfriend for a quick drink so he can give you back your DVD

26. Tell your ex-boyfriend you miss him

27. Go back to his place and have break up sex

28. Wait for him to call afterward

29. Turn your apartment upside down looking for anything he may have left that you need to return to him immediately

30. Find an old copy of Time Out

31. Text him and ask if he wants his old copy of Time Out

32. Wonder why he isn’t texting you back

33. Text him something you overhear on the street the next day that you know he’d think was really funny

34. Wait for him to text back

35. Call him and leave a message asking if he’s getting your texts

36. Wait for him to call back

37. Call one of his friends and ask if he’s okay

38. Decide you need to take a break from dating

39. Tell everyone you know you’re taking a break from dating

40. Make a new Facebook status that says “Not dating anyone for at least three months”

41. Go to a friend’s engagement party and meet a hot vet who asks for your number

42. Decide it’s stupid not to date anyone for three months

43. Go out with hot vet

44. Repeat from beginning