10 Random Things Men Should Know About Women

ChinaDaily.com ran a strangely generic story on the “5 Things Men Should Know About Women” (Only five? really?), which included, saying thank you when she’s doing all the housework, offer money and dependability, since the others things women look for in a partner — looks, smarts — are things you “can’t” control, and, uh, make sure she gets checked for heart disease. Um, okay. To supplement their list, I’ve come up with ten random things men actually should know about women, after the jump…1. Just like men, women hate a needy partner that demands some sort of attention from us every six seconds. Be a man, not an eight-week-old puppy.

2. Don’t caress a woman’s face while you’re kissing her unless you really like her. This move translates to, “I want to have babies with you.”

3. The one breakup line that will work on us 100% of the time is, “I’m sorry, but I don’t have feelings for/am not in love with you anymore.”

4. Compliment her ass. Seriously, we know you like our “pretty p***y,” and our “sexy tits,” and what we can do with our mouths. But praise her ass and she’ll suddenly be 10 times better in bed. No joke.

5. Hey dudes, you know how you have ass hair and nipple hair and stomach hairs and, really, hairs in all sorts of other places? Well women do too. We just rip, shave, and electrocute them away because the patriarchy tells us to.

6. Ninety percent of the time when we’re complaining about a problem at work, or a fight we had with a friend, we don’t actually want your man advice. And if you insist on giving it, it will piss us off.

7. We know when you’re lying. We just do.

8. The thing that makes the biggest first impression on us is your shoes, so don’t wear those horrible square toed loafers on the first — or any — date, okay?

9. A woman without female friends cannot be trusted. Period.

10. At least 10% of us has faked it with you. Truthfully, that number is probably closer to 27%.