Ask The Astrosexologist: I Can’t Quit A Libra Man

I was best friends with this guy all through college. Senior year we figured out we were attracted to each other and secretly hooked up a couple of times even though we were both in very serious relationships. We continued to hook up whenever we saw each other, but we never spoke about an actual relationship or our real feelings for one another.

Fast forward to last year — we had a very intense email correspondence going, telling each other how much we loved each other, and how we would try our best to make a relationship work, despite us living on opposite coasts with promising careers. At this time he was in a serious long-term relationship with another girl but he intimated that he would break up with her when he returned. I went to visit him for a week. During that trip, I learned that he was planning to buy a house and move in with his long-term girlfriend. I was pissed off and didn’t speak to him for a year. He and his girlfriend are now living the perfect suburban dream.

A couple of months ago, when he was visiting the west coast, I saw him. It was wonderful and we hooked up again. The last night he was in town, we stayed up all night talking—it was intense. I wanted to tell him how much he had hurt me before, but I didn’t want to ruin a perfect night. So, I emailed him after he left and told him how much he had hurt me, how much he meant to me, and how I was still willing to make something work. I haven’t heard from him for two months. I’m totally kicking myself, but I still want to believe in my heart that this just isn’t the time for us, and that the time might come someday. My birthday is 11/29/78, time 7:56am, in Washington. His birthday is 9/26/78. Do we have a chance in hell or am I another doormat? — ConfusedNo one likes to be the bearer of bad news, but yes, you are another doormat. While you and lover boy probably do connect on some level, he sounds like he’s thinking more with his dick, than with his heart and, well, no matter what he says, actions speak louder than words. Instead of mourning the fact you can’t be with him, realize that whoever he is with is living a lie and thank your lucky stars that you’re not in that position. That betrayal is way worse than the disloyalty he is showing you — and know that anyone who would ever be with him would be also living a lie, as it seems quite clear this is the guy that loves love and wants everyone to love him. That is why we won’t be discussing him and we will only focus on you!

You’re a double Sagittarius — sun and rising, with a Scorpio moon, with most of your major love planets in Scorpio and Sag. This makes you a crazy idealist that always shoots for the stars, which can make you too forgiving of those you are in love with. You’re majorly intense and have a life and death passion about everything in regards to love. This makes you believe in fairy tales to the point of your own self-destruction, if need be — which is a great thing, if you are working with someone that is as loyal as you are, but not if you get caught in a power struggle, like the one you are in with that Libra. You, by far, do not have easy placements when it comes to really letting things go, because as a Scorpio moon, your blessing and curse is persistence and you have the ability to hold on to hope even from the most frayed edges. Your saving grace is that when you do realize that you have hit the end, you have just as much power to rebound back from the bottom and rise like a phoenix. With this in mind, that means stop looking to the past, time to look to your future! As a friend of mine once told me, “If you change the future, you can change your past.”

What does this mean and how are you going to do it? It means if you direct your love ambition towards a new goal, an ideal that can be real and fulfilling, it will change how you view this guy. The way you are going to go about it is with a lot of hard, inner work. As the aspects in your chart are dictating to you, the emphasis for 2009 is about transforming long-term goals. Pluto, the planet of death and regeneration, has entered your second house, which is the house that rules self-esteem and security. This will mean having to get real with the place you are in now, what you truly have to count on, and moving ahead with that new reliable sense of structure in place and building from there. This typically denotes a 180 in your lifestyle — the free will part of astrology. You’re going to have really face yourself and get in tune with honestly answering the questions the universe is reflecting onto you. Do you really think chasing and hoping for this guy to come clean is really all you deserve? The obvious answer is no, and as soon as you realize that, it is when the real work can begin and you can start making decisions that will start turning your life around to be able to bring someone that is worth it to the forefront. Otherwise, it’s just not a pretty picture.

Got a question for our Astrosexologist, Kiki T? Email [email protected] and be sure to include any astrological information about yourself and any other people involved in your query! For a quicker fix on mastering your man, read Kiki’s astral opus, “The Celestial Sexpot’s Handbook.”