Ramona Quimby Gets Prettified

Before I got obsessed with the Little House On The Prairie series or the Anne of Green Gables series, and well before I tackled Sweet Valley High or V.C. Andrews, I was obsessed with Ramona Quimby, the protagonist in Beverly Cleary’s AMAZING series of books. To this day, there are two scenes I remember vividly — when Ramona squeezed and entire fresh tube of toothpaste into the sink, because she just couldn’t resist, and when Ramona’s mom served tongue for dinner. Those books were freaking awesome and in 1988, there was even a shortlived, Canadian-produced TV series based on the series, starring Sarah Polley as Ramona.

Well now Ramona is headed to the big screen, which would be exciting, if not for the casting. In the forthcoming “Beezus & Ramona” (also the title of the first book in the series), Ramona will be played by “up-and-coming” actress Joey King, while, Beezus, Ramona’s older sister, will be played by…wait for it…Disney pop star Selena Gomez. Say WHAT?Problem #1: Beezus is just turning 10 in the book, and Selena Gomez is 16, while Ramona is four in the book, and King is nine in real life.

Problem #2: Whatever, so they’re making the characters older, I can get with that. But Beezus is the sensible, well-behaved sister and is a bit of a nerd — she’s not some little tart! Selena Gomez is far too much of a glamour girl to play Beezus — Abigail Breslin would be better suited to play her. Or, hell, even Dakota Fanning!

Problem #3: Rambunctious little Ramona was always adorable, but she wasn’t supposed to look like some obnoxiously pretty and doe-eyed child model. Joey King, who I’m sure is lovely, just seems too girlish to play Ramona. Ramona is a trouble maker. She gets dirty. She misbehaves.

Problem #4: Back to Gomez. Seriously, is Beezus gonna have a boyfriend too, played by Nick Jonas?

Problem #5: I swear to God, if Henry Huggins is 18 in this movie and played by Shia LeBoeuf, I will cry.