Earlier this week, the good people at AskMen.com revealed their list of the “Top Ten Things Men Shouldn’t Do In Public,” which included definite no-no’s like picking their noses and peeing conspicuously, and debatable no-no’s like crying (Come on, what if his dog just died? What if he just watched “The Notebook” for the first time?). Interestingly, they said proposing to your girlfriend on a subway was a “bold” public move — something that really ought to TOP the list of forbidden public acts, if you ask me (I mean seriously, a subway? Is there a danker, drearier place on Earth to ask a woman to spend the rest of your life with you?!).
Anyway, there’s no reason men should have all the fun, so in the interest of equality we’ve got a list of our own. After the jump, the Top Ten Things Women Shouldn’t Do In Public.1. Apply full make-up
OK, look. Refreshing your lip gloss after a meal is one thing, but putting your whole face on while riding the bus or subway (where no one should do any proposing!) is so not cool. Set your alarm 10 minutes earlier, and do your makeup before you leave your apartment. A woman has to retain a little mystique, you know.
2. Pull out your thong from your butt crack
If it’s so uncomfortable in the first place that you have to go digging in places you really shouldn’t, maybe it’s time to switch to underwear with a little more coverage, hmm?
3. Sit cross-legged while wearing a skirt
4. Show off your midriff
I don’t care if you’ve got washboard abs, if you could bounce a quarter of your belly, or if you’re only 16. Unless you’re on the beach, at the pool, or working for tips, no one, I mean no one, should be running around with an exposed midriff. It’s just not classy.
5. Talk on your phone in a public bathroom or dressing room
Bathrooms and dressing rooms are sort of like Vegas. What happens in them should stay in them, and you with your phone broadcasting every sound to God knows who and subjecting the rest of us to some inane conversation that can absolutely wait until you no longer have your pants around the ankles is not honoring that sacred code.
6. Ask your boyfriend if he loves you
It’s uncomfortable for him, it’s uncomfortable for us, so save your strange pillow talk for when you’re horizontal.
7. Tweeze errant hairs or pop a pimple
While I understand the temptation of removing any evidence that you’re less than perfect, doing so in public not only underscores your imperfections, it makes you look, well, kinda nasty.
8. Criticize your boyfriend
Sure, he may deserve it — especially if he’s treating a waitress like crap or ogling other women, but there’s a time and a place for everything and in public when everyone can hear your private conversation is not it.
9. Adjust the girls
We’ve all been there before: a boob slips below your underwire or heads too closely to your armpit, but until you find a private spot, resist the urge to reach into your bra and readjust.
10. Pee all over the toilet seat
If you do happen to have bad aim, remember the old adage: If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat!