10 Things We Want Delivered In An Hour
This morning, we told you that even the sex industry is suffering during the economic crisis. But there some ingenious business people are using raging libidos to make them money. The Kinky Llama in Chicago delivers sex toys to horny residents, and they haven’t seen a decrease in business as a result of the economy. Open 24-hours, the company promises to deliver whatever your, uh, heart desires within an hour. Frankly, we can’t imagine being so hard up that we’d need a dildo delivered to our doorstep, but we can think of 10 other things we’d like to have on call. Check out the list, after the jump …1. Tights/Hosiery: You know how it goes. You’re getting ready for a hot date, and suddenly your absolute favorite pair of tights, which go perfectly with your perfect date outfit, get a massive snag. What to do? Try and mend the tear with clear nail polish? Get a new pair delivered from 1-800-TIGHTS.
2. Underwear: I am the queen of period stained undies. Sorry, was that TMI? Anyway, seriously, on the second day of my period, I always get a little leakage action, which is fine if I’m wearing my “Second Day Period Undies” which I usually reserve for such days, but if the second day of my period falls on a date night or another day where my undies may be exposed to male eyes, I am probably wearing cute underwear and damnit does it suck when you ruin a pair of those.
3. Stuff You Would Borrow From A Neighbor If Your Neighbor Wasn’t Such A Bitch: Sugar, olive oil, tampons, computer power cords, etc.
4. Movies: You can’t sleep, and there’s nothing on TV. If only “The Notebook” would arrive at your door! The deluxe package would include a bucket of popcorn, Diet Coke, and Sour Patch Kids.
5. Dry Cleaning: There is nothing more annoying than racing home from work in a desperate bid to pick up your favorite dress from the cleaners before they close. Usually this mission ends in failure. It would be so much more convenient if your freshly laundered garments came home to you.
6. Puppies: I have a dog 24/7, but if I didn’t, I would totally love to be able to borrow a puppy on a whim. Ideally, you could go online, pick out what breed you want, and it would come to your door with a red bow on it. And then the delivery company would be back before the little bugger needed to poop and pee and be walked.
7. Babies: See above.
8. Manicurist: Here’s the scenario — you’ve got a HUGE job interview first thing in the morning, but your nails look like a rabid dog has been chewing on them. Being able to call a manicurist to your apartment would be the first step in guaranteeing yourself the job.
9. Condoms: Make out, engage in heavy petting, hell, even give him a BJ, while you wait for rubbers to arrive. It’s the smart thing to do.
10. Therapy: I can get my own therapist on the horn usually within an hour during a crisis, but for the rest of you, wouldn’t it be awesome during those times when you’re feeling vaguely suicidal/homicidal to able to call a shrink and have them talk you down off the ledge?