Soft-core porn used to be reserved for pay-per-view channels like Skin-imax, but now it’s all over the boob tube! And it’s not Lifetime movie-esque storylines with wives in floral print dresses waiting for their husbands to feel them up so, so gently you can hardly tell what they’re doing is a sex act. Lucky for me and all you pervs out there, TV has gotten so meaty. Yeah, baby, we like it raw! Here are the top shows to watch, if you want to see some gratuitous soft-core sex scenes…“The L Word”: This gem has got more nipples per episode than any other show on television. We’re sad it’s in its final season, we just can’t ever see enough of Mick Jagger’s lady doppelganger, Shane.
“Gossip Girl”: Who knew high schoolers could have such sexy times? Chuck Bass alone is a one-man orgy for our eyes — from his burlesque club, to his hooker habit, to last night’s “Eyes Wide Shut” party, he is quite the young stud. But on “Gossip Girl,” all the characters weave a tangled web of relationships and you can always count on them to at least get what they came for.
“Big Love”: Mormon wives love to make babies. ‘Nuff said.
“Nip/Tuck”: Body enhancement is an excellent premise to play doctor.
“I Love Money 2″: Reality TV show whores live up to their names with hook ups and mud wrestling. Just beware if you have a strong gag reflex.
“One Tree Hill”: Why is this show still on? Two words: shirtless dudes.
“A Double Shot of Love”: Bisexual twin sisters feel out their contestants — with their tongues and crotches. They’re not called the Ikki Twins for nothing….
“Secret Diary Of A Call Girl”: Belle is a professional lover with a strong worth ethic. She even gives her “girlfriend experience” clients very sexy encounters.
Some shows just aren’t in season, but they’re still ripe. We await for their triumphant return to turning us on:
“True Blood”: Vampire sex set in the sweaty swamplands.
“Weeds”: Mary Louise Parker goes over the borderline for love. And her barely legal son has been working out — bonus!
“Californication”: David Duchovny gets porked and punched.
“The Tudors”: Jonathan Rhys Meyers eyeball effs us as King Henry.
“Tell Me You Love Me”: Different couples do it. The entire show.