Testes Delight: Have A Ball With These Recipes

As you’ve probably heard, seven people were poisoned in Japan eating blowfish this week. What part of the blowfish, you might ask? The testicles.

In some cultures, like China and Serbia, it’s believed that eating testicles increases sexual vigor due to the high levels of testosterone they hold. King Louis XV and his lover Madame de Pompidour ate ram’s jewels in the Palace of Versailles before le sex. In modern times, it’s believed that castrating beef cattle helps fatten and tenderize their beef. Why waste some good gonads if you’ve already chopped them off?
But maybe those boy parts are just straight up delicious, since folks have been chomping down on fish, ostrich, lamb, turkey, pig, ram, dog, and sheep testicles, like, forevs. With that in mind, here are some of the ballsiest testicle recipes:

  • Rod Lincoln’s, owner of Rock Creek Lodge, Rocky Mountain Oyster Recipe: Of his culinary feat Rod says, “I skin them when they’re just thawing because the membrane peels like an orange.” Supposedly they come out looking like breaded tenderloin…or tendergroin perhaps?
  • Serbian chef Ljubomir Erovic’s (author of The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking With Balls) recipe for Testicle Pizza: I’m pretty psyched that this guy wrote a whole testicle cookbook but I really had no desire to ever see a sliced testicle. Now it’s too late. Much too late. Also, what do Serbians know about making pizza? Cheddar? Ew.
  • Hillbilly Recipe’s Butterflied Turkey Nuts: Apparently turkey “nuts” are found on the inside, near the turkey’s liver. But how do you know if you’ve got a dud turkey? And how big could they possibly be? And why am I curious when I have no intention of searching for turkey nuts?
  • Alex MacKay from Great Food Live’s Breadcrumb-Coated Testicle: This seems to be the chef-iest recipe in the list. Also, if that hottie was serving me his testicles, I’d totally eat them. Gladly, even. The breadcrumb ones, I mean. Really.

Fun Fact: Montana’s Rock Creek Lodge throws the world’s largest Testy Festy, which attracts over 15,000 people. Over the five day event, over 2 1/2 tons of bull testicles are consumed.