Doin’ It With Dr. V: The Uncut Man
Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…
This week’s Dr. V was inspired by a letter I received from a lady who just started dating a guy who wasn’t circumcised. She wanted to take their love life higher, but just wasn’t sure how to lift the darn thing with all that extra material. Rest assured, my friend, all penis models work the same way. If you’re sexy to them, they’ll be sexy to you! However, an uncut penis does require extra care. So, here are some tips for naked time with a man who escaped the snip-snip. And keep those letters coming, you know I love to read your smut too! To ask me a question, email firstname.lastname@example.org.HOW IT HAPPENED TO ME
He was foreign. He was oh-so-fine. He was a sensitive musician who was considerate enough to warn me that he, like his solo jam, was uncut. Before he let me unzip his pants, he rattled off a disclaimer, like he was a drug commercial and his ding-a-ling was the side effect. Apparently he had freaked some poor girl out on tour. While he did make me scream, it wasn’t because of the sight of his uncircumcised penis. My first hunk with a hoodie rocked my world!
WHO IS TO BLAME
Religion is mostly to blame, and I promise this is the first and last “Doin’ It” where I’ll use it as an excuse, but it’s true. Both my people, the Jews, and Muslims practice ritual circumcision as it is commanded in their laws. A third of the men in the world are circumcised, 70% of that number are Muslim. Jews are less than .02% of the world’s population, so we don’t crack that statistic at all. But, if only Israeli’s and Palestinians would cross those kind of swords, maybe they would see just how much we all have in common!
Foreskin is like a hood at the head of the penis…rather, a turtleneck. It makes a penis look more like a sea sponge than a rocket ship. So, if it looks like your man hasn’t skimmed some extra skin off the top, he isn’t cut. Often times, once he’s erect, you won’t be able to tell if he’s got a sheath.
WHAT TO DO
Check under the hood! If you’re going to head down there, make sure the man hasn’t spent a week stewing in the same skinny pants sitting in a tour bus and sweating it out at rock clubs. Or, if he has, take him to the shower so he can clean that peen before you get down ‘n’ dirty! Uncircumcised penises need that extra scrub, so lift up the foreskin and get some scent-free soap under there! Otherwise it can get a little crusty with Smegma bacillus — aka dick cheese, the waxy white substance secreted by the penis glands. Also, an uncircumcised penis is 10 times more likely to get a bacteria build-up known as a urinary tract infection, but only 12% of men will ever have a UTI anyway. And if you wash up, there is no difference in smell or taste. If, after soap and water, it still reeks, appears red, irritated or just plain different in general, well, then it might just be time to show it to a doctor. So, there you have it. While foreskin does require extra maintenance, what could be more important than taking care of that peter piper?!
WHERE I WENT WRONG
As I mentioned, I’m a big bagel-loving, Bat Mitzvahed Jew. And while I’m proud to be part of my people, I’m still going to share my opinion. I’ve watched while my fellow Heebs nip the tip of all our boys, and I have to say, if that’s the mark of my tribe, we need a new symbol. It’s been 5000+ years! Personal hygiene has made great strides over the past few millenia and we’re not wandering the desert aimlessly anymore. Back in the day, it was probably good to get it out of the way. But it’s 2009 and we have showers. And you know, if the shoe were on the other foot and someone even tried to touch a baby vajayjay, we would all go crazy on them. So, while there have been medical studies that say it is healthier to circumcise guys, claims that it helps a man last longer in the sack, that is helps prevent erectile dysfunction, and stylistas who say it looks better that way, it still seems like a form of genital mutilation to me.
Supposedly, one of the bonuses of being with a circumcised guy is they won’t blow their load before you’ve had enough fun with their gun. Ha! We all know that’s just a bold-faced lie.
Sigmund Freud suggested that there was a link between man’s fear of castration and circumcision. But what doesn’t that dude freak out about?! Oddly enough, most parents in the U.S. circumcise their sons to save him from feeling shame. While foreskin is something men are born with, it’s gotten the stigma of being strange in our culture. So, parents, knowing kids and lovers can be cruel, don’t want their boys to stand out or feel embarrassed by their member — apparently, that kind of torture sounds more traumatic than a lil’ ol’ snip. Just like my own foreign fling, a lot of uncircumcised guys in this country do feel weird because their schlong doesn’t look like the standard Made In USA models. Their manhood isn’t metrosexual. But if they went into any locker room in any other country, what they’d find is that they are actually in the majority! So, there’s no shame! Penises are magical no matter what.
1. Play: Feel free to gently play with the foreskin with your tongue and fingers. It feels good, or so I hear! Techniques like circling inside the skin with your tongue and massaging the head with your fingers can work wonders. However, do not go acting like a Hoover vacuum on an uncircumcised guy. Some guys with the sheath feel it is too sensitive to the touch and they might ask you to avoid that area entirely. It’s not you, it’s them. So listen to your partner!
2. Protect Yourself: According to the World Health Organization and our own CDC, uncircumcised penises are in a slightly higher risk group for contracting some STDs like syphilis and HIV. Bottom line, a little extra skin won’t protect you. So, use a condom!
3. PTSD: Even though many find a nipped tip to be the most attractive, that doesn’t give you the right to diss his dick. After all, you wouldn’t like to be told you’re not the prettiest girl in the room! If you have a preference for the cut, keep it to yourself or you could send him into a tailspin of insecurities. Be a lady and love your man — all of him!
4. Slick Rick: During sex, when the foreskin pulls back, it actually reduces friction, making it so there’s more cushion for the pushin’! If it isn’t moving back on it’s own for sexy times, keep reading-…
5. Push Back: Some guys’ foreskins don’t pull back all the way naturally and you’ll need to move it away from the high-traffic area tip, but be sure to ask him first if it’s okay. Then carefully slide it back a bit. Don’t be too forceful or you’ll push things too far past the head.
6. T-Pain: Some uncircumcised guys have pain during sex because their foreskin won’t fall back. This condition is called phimosis. There are a couple of options for treatment, from creams to a small cut. So, if your man hurts in a bad way during sex, then it’s time for him to see a urologist.
When the soldier in his pants salutes, you really can’t tell if it is circumcised or uncircumcised. Now, I’ve only been with two au natural knobs and I got the feeling that their tips were more sensitive. They seemed to enjoy blow jobs more, but didn’t care as much about the deep throat. They were more responsive to tonguing the tip. But to be fair, I’ve never seen a circumcised guy be disappointed by a beej either. Plus, there is absolutely no scientific evidence to support my anecdotal theory. And, some uncircumcised guys complain their tip is too sensitive to the touch. Ouch! So, in other words, each one is different.
1. At its peak in the ’70s, 91% of American men were snipped at the tip. There has been a sharp decline and now roughly 65% of boy babies born in the USA are circumcised today.
2. In 1422, the Catholic Church condemned circumcision as a mortal sin.
3. Inside the Ancient Egyptian Temple of Khonspekhrod, a circumcision scene was carved on the northern wall.
4. At the turn of the Twentieth Century, circumcision was seen as a way to prevent masturbation.
5. Nowadays, circumcision is the most common in the United States, Canada, and the Middle East.