The Five Support Groups We Really Need In This Day And Age

We couldn’t help but roll our eyes at this story in the New York Times about Dating a Banker Anonymous, a new support group for women who are married to/dating/shagging financial scions whose lives, and paychecks, have taken a turn for the worse in the abysmal economy. Here’s a sample quote:

“Once it was seen as a blessing in certain circles to have a wealthy partner who would leave you alone with the credit card while he was busy brokering deals. Now, many Wall Street wives, girlfriends and, increasingly, exes, are living the curse of cutbacks in nanny hours and reservations at Masa or Megu. And that credit card? Canceled.”

Oh, the horror. Keep reading for the spouse support groups we’d like to see…

  1. Wives of Cheating Politicians: Imagine Silda Spitzer, Elizabeth Edwards, Dina Matos McGreevey, Hillary Clinton, and Callista Gingrich in a group hug. Special sessions on how to stand by your man at a press conference without crying and/or throwing things.
  2. Significant Others Of Scientologists: Katie Holmes and Jada Pinkett Smith can take turns hitting an E-meter with a hammer.
  3. Wives Of Dudes Who Keep Viagra In Business: Wendi Deng, married to media mogul Rupert Murdoch, can be president and Shawn Southwick, love of 75-year-old Larry King, should be treasurer. Most common topic of conversation: raisin butt.
  4. Women Whose Husbands Have Better Hair: The sessions would no doubt end in tears, with Rod Blagojevich’s wife Patricia handing a tissue to Beth Ostrosky, paramour of Howard Stern.
  5. Cougar Bait Anonymous: We can almost see Ashton Kutcher, Guy Ritchie, Portia de Rossi (hey, Ellen is 15 years older than her), and Nick Cannon sitting in a circle, sharing their feelings and showing their bite marks.