An Open Letter To Jessica Simpson

Dear Jessica,

The mistake you made wasn’t so much in gaining weight, it was in making such a big to-do of yourself when you were skinny. And those high-waisted jeans weren’t doing you any favors either. But the thing is, plenty of women in Hollywood are your size or bigger and no one’s giving them a hard time about it. Just look at Salma Hayek, Scarlett Johansson, or Christina Hendricks — they’ve all got curves like you and they’re hot! No one’s drawing them as 500 lb. caricatures, so what gives?
Well, for starters, they don’t rely on their bodies alone to sell their product; they’ve got real talent! And they aren’t famous for squeezing into a tiny pair of Daisy Dukes, and bragging that their bodies are “definitely an accomplishment” after enduring two-hour workouts, six days a week and forgoing carbs for months just to sell a movie. They didn’t tell Harper’s Bazaar in 2007 that they preferred being curvy to skinny, that being rail thin isn’t “good for your heart, it’s not good for your mind; it’s emotionally destructive” only to appear on the cover of US Weekly just weeks later 25 pounds thinner and sharing the secret of a trendy new diet (eat hardly anything! Exercise a ton! Watch the weight melt off!).

You were the one who threw the spotlight on your body. You were the one who sold your 36-24-36 figure as ideal, so you have no right to point fingers when the world points out those numbers have expanded. Tired of being picked on? Then embrace your size now! Work those curves. Don’t retaliate against the naysayers by dropping 25 pounds again. Don’t perpetuate some stupid idea that you have to be a size 0 to be beautiful. You’re lovely the way you are, so keep enjoying those margaritas and BBQ ribs. But you might want to burn those jeans.