Liveblogging “American Idol”

Tonight, I’ll be liveblogging the latest episode of “American Idol,” starting at 8pm EST. So far, the judges have hit cities like Phoenix and Louisville, and heard some pretty atrocious voices (and a couple of good ones). Tonight our ears will split in Salt Lake City! Mormons singing, hooray!

7:53 Just seven minutes until AI. Man, I ate too much green curry in a hurry.

8:00 Why do they have to visit so many cities before getting to Hollywood! I just want to get to Hollywood, already!

8:02 Wow, did you see Paul wearing that turtleneck? She really got into the Salt Lake City style. She looks like Nikki (Chloe Sevigny’s character) on “Big Love.”

8:06 Sob story: a relative of the Osmonds has MS and is in a wheelchair a lot of the time. But he is walking and totally fine now for the audition! If he hadn’t been fighting some disease, AI would never have featured him. He has a soul patch, which is, in my opinion, one of the grossest things ever. Whatever, Mr. Soul Patch is going to Hollywood. If he gets far, they better make him shave it off.

8:11 I feel bad saying this, but “Idol” finds the craziest people to audition. Do these people come willingly, or do producers go and seek them out. This fake red-haired chick has “ESP pretty strong” and can tell when people are going to die in real life and on TV. She is also dressed like a cheap hooker. Her singing is on par with mine, and I am forbidden fromf singing in front of people…and animals.

8:14 I just noticed Tara, the redhead, has garters on. Garter? Garters? I’m not sure if you always have to say that in the plural. Hmmm….

8:16 Chris brought his friend Greg, dressed as a giant pink rabbit, as his good luck charm. Simon nixed the rabbit…and Chris. I don’t mind though, people with gimmicks annoy me.

8:19 SIDENOTE: I keep seeing commercials for “Fired Up!” and might have to see it when it comes out. Yes, it is probably going to be simply horrid, but it might be the next “Bring It On.” Spirit fingers!

8:22 Really, I CANNOT BELIEVE PAULA’S TURTLENECK. Wow. Modesty does not become her.

8:24 Frankie (love that name for a girl!) sounds like Amy Winehouse a little, and everyone seems to like her. She’s way cuter than Amy though. Also, she doesn’t appear to have a drug problem and wears shoes.

8:27 All of these stories about young mothers trying to make it is making me sad.

8:30 When Simon isn’t making snarky comments, he seems very thoughtful. Also, I really like this girl’s dress. I think she bough it at Urban Outfitters.

8:31 Past American Idols kind of have it easy. Like, AI has such a strong fan base that all they have to do is release their albums during an “American Idol” season and they can just guest on an episode and buy some advertising (see: Kelly Clarkson) and then people will remember them again.

8:36 “You don’t have soul,” says Simon. Poor kid.

8:39 Spiked hair should be against the law.

8:44 I really wish someone would sing a Rihanna song — fingers crossed!

8:46 Taylor is 5’11” and super lovable. She can’t decide whether or not she likes being tall. I think she should embrace it. Randy thinks she’s kind of like Jordin Sparks, everybody loves her, yay. The thing about these pre-Hollywood shows it that you don’t really get to hear anyone sing. And Taylor sang “Joyful, Joyful,” which is not a normal song to sing on “American Idol.” Girl, next time, you better bring it with “Take A Bow” if you want to get my vote.

8:53 I hope blondie Rose can sing. She is an awesome hippie chick who lives with her best friend because both of her parents died. Her speaking voice reminds me of Leslie Bibb’s.

8:55 Rose doesn’t get huge props for her smoky voice, but she is attractive, and cool and she is going to Hollywood! Yay! She’ll probably have to get rid of her dreads though.

8:58 New York City and San Juan auditions air tomorrow night. Gripping, I know. But things’ll finally start heating up in Hollywood next week. I hope everyone is drinking tea to soothe their vocal chords. Goodnight everyone!