• Guys

I Bang The Worst Dudes

No need to annoy all your girlfriends with that story of what happened between you and that hipster DJ, Sorry-Mom.com is a website that let’s any woman spill her tale of woe and whoa. Page after page, women pour over their crappy sexual encounters. Each story comes complete with the dude’s picture (Bonus! Though his eyes are always blacked out, to “protect” privacy) and a blurb. It’s the kind of dirt that’ll make a girl smirk with empathy! With a vicious bent like trash talking a guy’s Johnson, I expect the site to be run by a spurned divorcee ala Tricia “Crazy Eyes” Walsh-Smith of Park Avenue. Bitching about boys and literally hitting them below the belt seems like such a mean girl thing to do. And it begs the question, why isn’t there a version of this site so guys can rant? I’ve heard some things about ladies that made my jaw drop. But, would a man ever care enough to write a paragraph that admits to their broken heart, then diss the chick, add a pic and email it in, just for the satisfaction of ranting? Do guys seek emotional revenge….and at the grandiose level of the internet? May be we should all be grateful that so far, the answer is no.

Well if you feel like laughing like you just don’t care, here are our favorite tales from “I Bang The Worst Dudes” after the jump…

”I recently dated this guy who for five months would leave skid marks on my bed sheets every time he slept over. I never told him so I’d imagine that I’m not the only victim of his ASSault.”

”There’s a reason they say you don’t s**t where you sleep. I took this — ahem — attractive coworker home with me the first time in a blurry mess. After a few hook-ups during which he broke every rule in the book (skipping on condoms, unwelcomed anal, etc. etc.) I still managed to feel rejected when he blew me off a few weeks later. Ouch.”

”This winner and I went out a few times, then one night he took me back to his place without informing me he lived in a closet-sized spare room in his parents’ apartment. When I wouldn’t let him get past second base, he told me he had to ‘go to sleep early,’ so I went home. Later that night I saw him at the bar with who I assumed was the girlfriend I didn’t know existed. Classy!”

”A few years my junior, this guy helped me babysit a drunk friend one night. After she passed out on her couch, he took me into her bedroom, made me watch novelty porn (‘cake farts,’ anyone?) on her computer, and then called me a bitch the next day when I refused to have sex with him. Maybe watching ’1guyand1cup’ just didn’t really do it for me, pal.”

”We returned to my place alone for the first time after a great night out. Two or three minutes into some very slobbery spit-swapping, he managed (completely unprompted) to stammer, “Uhhh, are you, ummm, gonna give me head now?” and was baffled as to why I suddenly no longer had any desire to do so. Charming!”

”Liar, check. Cheater, check.Narcissist, check. Manipulative, double check. Baby dick, check.”

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