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Against Cheating: A Man’s Perspective

I’m single, 40, and have dated more than any good man should. Add to that the fact that I love women, I love seducing, and my ego is clearly invested in the power it gives me, and something tells me I’m not the man you’d think would advocate devotion and fidelity. But the truth is, I’m a closet monogamist. It doesn’t come easily, it might not even come naturally, but at the end of the day, I think monogamy is a majesty worth fighting for. Many of the reasons are obvious—the comfort, having a good-guy reputation, the regular and maybe even condom-free sex — but there are some that might surprise you.One of them is the fight itself. Monogamy is one of those rare things where both the reward and the struggle alone each justify the effort. Striving to be monogamous helps us focus on things that make us better people. Of course socio-biologists want to say that men have “natural” inclinations against monogamy, that when we were still wearing pelts, there were no relationships and the survival of the species depended on our attempts to impregnate as many hominid females as we could. Could be true, but what of it? In the same way that today I choose to grill my buffalo burger rather than eat it raw — and enjoy it a hell of a lot more that way — cultured man can benefit by not simply giving in to his prehistoric impulses, because now his nature is something different, larger. We’ve evolved so that sex can — and should — be a lot more than just the delivery of semen, and monogamy helps set us on that course.

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