The New And Improved Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise is no longer a Hollywood idol. The paparazzi love following him and we enjoy watching his crazy interviews. But I can’t remember the last time I saw one of his new releases. His overworked publicity team has noticed that few non-Scientology people respect Cruise anymore, so they’re trying to improve his “screen-idol status.” After the jump, find out what features the New and Improved Tom Cruise will have.1. Cruise has lost a few pounds.
2. He’ll stop lecturing talk show hosts about Scientology.
3. He will no longer arrive at premieres in fancy cars because he doesn’t want to seem arrogant during the recession.

And even though female fans are sold separately, the new Tom Cruise comes equipt to relate to them.

4. He will appear on women-centric programs like “The View.”
5. Cruise will be less controlling when it comes to his Stepford Wife, Katie Holmes. He won’t grab her arm or pull her around in public.