Spike Calls Salma Hayek & Liv Tyler “Butterbodies”

We’re pretty used to men’s magazines and media outlets celebrating the world’s most beautiful women — from Maxim’s Hot 100 to AskMen.com’s upcoming Top 99 Most Desirable Women — but Spike.com has decided to go with a much more negative approach. In “The Top 7 Butterbodies,” everyone from Mandy Moore to America Ferrera to Salma FREAKING Hayek is called out for having “a beautiful face but a body that’s gone to butter.” I’m so effing serious. More, after the jump… For example:

“Drew Barrymore’s weight fluctuates like a yo-yo…[she] can look super hot or super plump and blubbery…As a bonafide star, Drew cannot do this. Otherwise every hot woman in Hollywood will adopt a similar mentality and the world will be void of super thin, super hot women.”

To enrage you further:

“Salma Hayek has a beer gut, which she tries to hide by wearing flowing dresses. She fools no one with this trickery. This lady is fat. It’s like she’s carrying a spare car tire around her mid-section. Her only saving grace is her magnificent breasts.”

And if your head hasn’t exploded yet:

“Hollywood is about being extraordinary, not ordinary. It’s crazy that [American Ferrera] has become a poster child for “curvy” women. She basically gives women an excuse to be fat.”

Since when does being anything but a twig equal fat? According to the research I’ve done (reading Us Weekly, I mean) all of the women on Spike’s list work out and attend to their physical health more than most women AND MEN that I know. If the women who have been put on pedestals for being perfect — all the women on Spike’s list are celebrated beauties — are now not perfect enough, then those who aspire to reach perfection — an unhealthy pursuit, no doubt — are totally screwed. [Spike]