Girl Talk: Go Ahead, Go For Your Crush

Okay, real talk. This isn’t exactly the happy-ending story I’d like it to be, but I’ve got to share with you the details of my recent fantasy crush cum real mini-relationship, if only to encourage everyone to buck up and make some moves in the new year.

Have you ever seen a guy working in a store you frequent, and developed a massive crush on him? Er…I have! For the past eight months, I’ve been completely smitten with a guy who works at my local bookstore. I’ll admit the crush had become a bit extreme; I’d spent over a hundred bucks on books and befriended the entire security staff in an effort to work up the nerve to talk to this dude. Why? Because he was, hands-down, the hottest guy I’d ever seen. Also, anytime we’d spoken, (i.e. “Did you find everything, okay?”) I thought it was obvious that we’d have a real connection. Clearly, things were getting serious. I’d even started setting aside Chris Brown during my sexytime fantasies, and thinking of bookstore boy. So, eight months after the inception of the mega-crush, I introduced myself. And almost at once, like a goddamn storybook romance, we became inseparable. He had me – someone who is normally incredibly guarded with guys — so gushy that I found myself even utilizing emoticons in texts to him; abusing punctuation, embarrassing poor semi colons and colons to help me express how I couldn’t wait to see or kiss him next, WINKY FACE. Speaking of kissing him, whoa. It was knee-weakening, and incessant, and often in public. (Sorry about that, PDA haters.)

He was incredibly sweet and at times over-the-top emotive, sending text messages like, “That was the happiest night of my life!” or “You’re so beautiful, I want to kiss you forever!” Normally, I’d see this effusiveness as a sign of weakness and then I’d self-sabotage and get the hell out of there, but not with this guy. I welcomed and encouraged his sweetness. I adored him — all aspects of him. My friends really dug him too.

The bedtime stuff was even better than I’d imagined, which is unreal considering I’d had eight months to play with the notion of seeing him naked. I won’t mince words. In bed, this kid just totally wins. He’s the big winner.

I know, it sounds perfect. It wasn’t, exactly, but it was pretty damn good. I’d been feeling uneasy about him being three years younger than me, and he and I were so different I wasn’t sure things could really work if our relationship was to get more serious. But for the time being, things were going great. We had essentially ventured on a month-long date, seeing each other almost every single day since we’d met, with no end in sight.

Until it did end, of course. On the afternoon of New Year’s Eve, he came over and calmly explained that something had happened in his personal life that would make it impossible to continue seeing me — I’ll keep the details private, but trust that I understood. He’d “really miss me,” though. We hugged at my door, and then he left – both my apartment and my life.

It would turn out that I’d really miss him too. In fact, I’d miss him so much that I’d not know what to do with all the miss-i-ness and I’d call him a week later, forcing him to answer some very uncomfortable questions from a very emotional me. Then I’d massively regret making that call.

But you know what I wouldn’t regret? Introducing myself. And I really mean that. It didn’t last very long, but a month of having my bookstore crush in the flesh was oh-so-much better than having him solely in my daydream fantasies.

So in the end it didn’t pan out exactly like I’d hoped, but you know what? There are a whole lot of bookstores out there, and millions of books on the shelves, just looking to get picked up. I’ve got a lot of browsing to do. And hey, if I can do it (eight months later), you can do it too. Make an effort to turn your far-fetched crushes into reality romances this year. If he turns out to be anything like bookstore guy, you’ll be glad you did, no matter the ending.