In “I’m Fat, So?!” last week, I totally dissed The Sun’s ridiculously stupid “Big Girl’s Guide To Sex.” It was full of backwards tips about how to look thin, as if skinny always equals attractive. But seriously, YAY for all the supportive comments from you lovely Frisky readers about the post. And since, I smack talked the talk, now I’m going to walk the walk — or, rather, do the do! Here are my very sexy tips on how to show your man that you like your body no matter your size, so he can return the favor.
1. Praise Him: Fishing for compliments is lame and just makes whatever is said seem disingenuous. Beat that bad rap by telling him not only how much you like what he’s serving up, but also how well it goes with your whole kit-and-caboodle. It gets the body worship ball rolling, encourages him to be comfortable talking about what he’s attracted to, and will get him to work his goods for you!
2. Sit Back: Rolls happen — even to Kate Moss. Skin folds and it puckers and it dents — it can’t help it. So trying sit in a way that minimizes your “flaws” often just makes you look like you have a rod up your ass and that’s not sexy (well, not always). Relax and sit comfortably — literally and like you’re happy with yourself. Now that’s attractive!
3. Just Eat It: Don’t fuss over calories in front of him. Even if you’re keeping track of your food intake or dieting, verbalizing it tells him you’re not satisfied with the way you look and that is SO not sexy. Keep your food neurosis to yourself and eat with confidence!
4. Dirty Talk: Tell him exactly what you want to put where. Use descriptive, visual words to highlight your strong suits like “juicy” and “mouthful.” If you can say it nasty, he can want it, bad.
5. Wear Lingerie: Nothing highlights your hotness quite like satin and lace…or tube socks and running shorts like you’re an American Apparel ad. Just make sure your sexy get-up is obviously strictly for the bedroom — it should not be something you could walk out of the house in. Whatever your outfit of extra desire is, put it on and strut your stuff.
6. Wag Your Booty: Men just can’t get enough of those lovely lady lumps. So wiggle it, just a lil’ bit — or a lot. Bonus points if you can ass clap. Lord knows, I’ve been trying to make my butt as talented an asset as possible.
7. Fits Like A Love Glove: Even though it’s #7 on this list, the #1 way you can show a man you not only know, but also love your body is to wear clothes that fit you. When you wear things that are too big or too tight, it just looks like you don’t like the way you actually are. While you think you might be hiding it under showy or baggy clothes, it actually makes it painfully obvious that you are trying to avoid drawing attention to your body — but you definitely don’t want your sexy time friend to look the other way. So, slip into something that makes you look comfortable. Spend that extra $20 getting things tailored to fit you. You won’t just feel your best, you’ll look it too. And that kind of confidence is a sexiness that suits everybody.
8. Don’t Be A Hater: Never complain about your looks, even if you’re about to go in for plastic surgery. While a lot of people use seemingly harmless self-deprecating jokes as a defense mechanism, it actually makes you your own worst enemy. The laugh is temporary, but the dig lasts. If someone wants to make sweet love to you, it’s because they think you’re sexy. Don’t make them feel bad about their taste. Save talking about your insecurities for your shrink or your best friend. That being said, I must admit, this is one I still struggle with. It’s hard not to be the funny, fat girl, but isn’t it better to be confident in yourself than a laughable stereotype?
9. Shake Your Tits: There’s just something about boobs, both big and small. Don’t be afraid to grab ‘em and tease him. While the booty is made to rub against a man, your ta-ta’s are even more fun because you can make eye contact and kiss while letting him feel your chest up against him. Plus, this is a good one to combine with #11, especially if you can tassel twirl! If you’re looking to wow him with some extra she-bangable skills, Jo Boobs (who was just featured on “Gossip Girl”) can teach you how to shake what your mama gave ya!
10. Stop Fidgeting: Okay, so this is probably advice you would have heard back in finishing school before feminism, but it’s actually useful (unlike keeping your legs crossed and sticking your pinky out). Confidence comes from within, but it manifests itself on the outside. Looking nervous or uncomfortable is a symptom of a problem. Even if you normally have a healthy sense of self, if you keep adjusting your outfit, you won’t seem that way. Fight the fidget by only wearing things you feel comfortable in because then can you work you magic effortlessly!
11. Strip Tease: Take it off! And let him watch you do it — one piece at a time. Put on some music and a show. Work it girl! This is the ultimate, most personal way to put your body on display.