• Sex

MSNBC Thinks Kink Is SO 2008

People have been doing it since the dawn of time. In fact, it’s the alluring, torrid, mind-blowing, all-consuming sex explosion that has spawned our entire existence as a species! While over the years, thanks to technological and social advances, we’ve improved upon the original biological need with things like latex, handcuffs, key parties, dirty talk, and general smut, what went up, must now come down. According to an article MSNBC published just today, “trendy sex” is over. So, you can stop lamenting that you didn’t get a webcam for Christmas, because all of a sudden, nobody cares?! After decades of topping off vanilla sex with all kinds of goodies, have people lost their taste for kink?
Say it ain’t so! Well, to be fair, it is just one man’s opinion. Brian Alexander, author of “America Unzipped,” thinks he is the horseman of the sexual apocalypse. In his piece, he says sex is getting to be like Disney World and claims:

“Once you get over the idea that the guy with the studded leather strap around his scrotum who is doing the ironing under his wife’s stern supervision looks suspiciously like your seventh-grade science teacher (Hi, Mr. Grunwald!), much of it just isn’t very interesting.”

Hey, my middle school science teacher was a stone cold fox and Z. Cavaricci clad Mr. Pollardi probably brought on puberty for my whole class! I got some pants we could pleat together and then I’d be happy to get some choreplay out of him — especially since a sex slave would for sure be cheaper than a dry cleaner. Speaking of which, now that we’re in a recession, aren’t we going to realize the best things in life, like fantasy, are free?! 2009 may be trying to seem like it’s going to be frigid, but it’s just getting warmed up! I’ve already given up my Shirley Temple habit as one of my New Year’s resolutions, bu you can’t just take kink away from me! In my opinion, sex, with it’s frills and thrills, is here to stay.

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