Dating Don’ts: Relationship Anxieties To Quit Worrying About

A good friend of mine recently reminded me of some advice I’d given her back in college. She was about to sleep with a new boyfriend for the first time and had been fretting about some body part. Apparently I shrugged and told her, “Please—boys are just happy to have a naked girl in the same room as them.”

I was kind of surprised and impressed when she told me I’d actually said these words. Over the years I have had pre-sex panic attacks over (in no particular order): my eyebrows, nasally voice, bad breath, body hair, belly roll(s), teeth, table manners, inner thighs… basically if I had it, I wasted valuable lady hours worrying about it.

I love a woman who can not only produce a solid fart, but who can also take ownership of it and stand by it.

Obviously, I’m not alone. I’ve heard size-two women complaining about their back fat, translucent-skinned girls whining about imaginary forehead wrinkles and 22-year-old bambinas flipping out about getting old. So I polled a few guys I know and asked them what they thought women worried about too much. Here are some answers:

Stretch marks. As [comedian] Katt Williams says, “either you were skinny and you gained weight or you were fat and you lost weight.” Either way, we don’t care. —Michael

I love a woman who can not only produce a solid fart, but who can also take ownership of it and stand by it.

And I like a woman that can go out of the house unshowered and I kind of hate when women hold back in the food department. If you can’t whole-heartedly enjoy a good meal, what’s the point? —Marco

Most definitely, the “is it alright if I spend tonight with my friends?” is a false problem area. I have many female clients who assume that their boyfriends or husbands are going to be bothered if they go out with their girlfriends. There are, of course, plenty of men who are needy, insecure and controlling, but the majority of men I know are simply too lazy to expend energy on caring whether or not you want to out with your girlfriends. Hell, that’s the most opportune time for men to drink beer and watch ESPN. —Rob Dobrenski, Shrinktalk.net

On both ends of the spectrum, girls worry about their age. In reality, so long as you’re not old enough to be his mom, or young enough to be jailbait, you can build good connection with a pretty wide age range. Also, menstrual periods. Some guys get freaked out, but others really just don’t care. Almost universally, though, girls are overly sensitive and assume the guy doesn’t want anything to do with them during “that time.” Some girls are worried that their guy will be turned off by [a lot of sexual] experience, and others are worried that their inexperience (or virginity) will cause them to be a lackluster lover. In my experience, there’s only a small correlation between experience and talent. —“Affection,” an attraction coach (aka, pickup artist) with Project Manhattan

Obviously this is just a small sampling and there are man creatures out there who are completely skeeved by a few extra pounds or a gassy broad, but the point is, we women spend far more time worrying about what they’ll think of us than they do worrying about how they look to us. It’s time to quit all that.

The better attitude is to embrace your flaws—whether real or imagined—like an ex of my boyfriend’s did. After giving birth left her with stretch marks, she simply had a tattoo artist turn them into tiger stripes. Mrow!

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