Madonna Rocks Out With Her Crotch Out, Gets Booed

In an article entitled “Put It Away Madonna!” UK newspaper, The Daily Mail, boldly stated that they think Madge is too old to flash her vadge. Excuse me, the Material Girl damn near invented crotch shots! And the now 50-year-old looks super sexy in the new Louis Vuitton ads in which she’s sprawled out in a booth with a leg up and a come hither look. Honestly, I can’t get over the muscle training alone required to lift that piece of luggage above her head with a stiletto heel! I can barely grab my bag off the airport turnstile with both arms. Heck, even a homosexual like designer Marc Jacobs can’t resist her charms! It was his idea to make the Queen of Pop his cover girl. Why should motherhood stop the sex symbol from doing her thing? She’s a straight up MILF representin’! At the very least, over 15 years later, it’s nice to know people still uncontrollably pop a woody for her, even if it makes reporter/hater Chris Johnson uncomfortably critical. We’ve come up with five other things we think that the newly single M could do with her crotch to expand her business, besides sell luxury handbags…
1. Work Out Video: The Queen has kept her body super tight, even after babies and the ‘pause. She should share the invaluable knowledge and her personal kegel exercise regimen with the people. An instructional video on how to stay like a virgin would fly off the shelves!
2. Spokesvadge: Madge is all about giving back through UNICEF, but what about a group like Planned Parenthood? We’re sure if sexpert Madonna’s crotch could talk, it’d certainly have some stories about the importance of taking care of down there!
3. Launch Her Own Lingerie Line: Dita Von Teese tricked out Wonderbra, perhaps Madonna can bring back her cone shaped bullet bra bodysuits.
4. Make Prints: Madonna should forgo traditional autographs and do crotch prints for fans a la Maude Lebowski.
5. Porn: Sure, she’s pretty much done it before, but nothing says, “I don’t need you, Guy,” quite like sex tape with some Hollywood hottie(s).