QSleeper.com

Are you afraid of being attacked while you’re sleeping? Are you the wife of a gangster or sought-after criminal? If you answered “yes” to either of those questions, the Quantum Sleeper is the bed for you. It’s covered in fireproof, bulletproof plating with a filtered ventilation system, see-through head cover, motion detector, microwave, refrigerator, and more. You might feel claustrophobic, but at least you’ll be safe. [QSleeper.com via MentalFloss]

Beth & Val are two women who host their own Q&A show on YouTube. It is terrifically funny, especially in this clip, where they discuss what they would do if they had a penis for a day—which just happens to be exactly what we would do, i.e. pee, diddle ourselves, and put it on top of things. Also, I would probably do that thing where you make it flail around. But that’s just me. [YouTube]

AP

Hippies are lovable, hairy, and the reason you can get soy milk at most coffee shops. While the world needs all the help it can get, hippies usually need a bath.  But now they finally have science on their side. A study, conducted at the University of Missouri, tested 16 hair samples, eight washed and eight unwashed, over a 24-hour period. Researchers found that the un-shampooed samples were able to absorb seven times as much ground level ozone as the cleaner strands. While ozone exposure is attributed to respiratory problems and a rise in deaths, unwashed hair usually leads to a decrease in sex appeal.  So, we’re torn between our lungs and our looks—guess it all depends on if you want your breathing to be just as shallow.  [New Scientist]

AP

We’ve railed on Maxim quite a bit for naming Sarah Jessica Parker “The Unsexiest Woman In America”, but we haven’t had the wisdom to counter attack with a list of Unsexy Men. No matter, The Phoenix did it for us! As we hoped, the staff picked the 100 unsexiest men with all the right criteria—because being unsexy isn’t really about being ugly (#100, Tom Brady, certainly is a pretty boy, but his treatment of baby momma, Bridget Moynahan, is what makes him fugs!), or necessarily 3D (The Family Guy‘s Quagmire is listed for making rape jokes). But we thought they missed a few…

There is a long list of things we would do to get John Cusack to want us, but dropping a scorpion down our pants seems a little extreme—even for a guy who is willing to hold a heavy old school boom box over his head.  But a brunette Hilary Duff, who is trying to go as dark as her hair, put a reptile under where? Down her hoo-ha in this clip from their new movie War, Inc. While we thought having a creature pinchin’ and itchin’ down there, was an STD or at least a turn off, Hilary is using it as a turn-on.  Guess she’s had grosser things down there anyway, like Joel Madden.  [Egotastic]

Sigh. Sometimes you just can’t make this junk up. Marvin Richardson, an aspiring Independent Senate candidate, has legally changed his name to “Pro-Life” because, well, he is. Previously, and I am not joking, his middle name was “Pro-Life” but when he ran for the Senate a few years ago, officials refused to put his full name on the ballot because Idaho’s policy bars the use of slogans on the ballot. But Richardson is a trickster! So he changed his name to ONLY Pro-Life so that the secretary of state’s office would have no choice but to use it on the ballot. [CBS News]

How many germs were spread in the breaking of a world record this weekend, when 100 people participated in a French kissing chain? Many.

AP

“I don’t think it makes me any less of a feminist because my emotions are affected. I think that I’m very independent and I don’t let guys affect my life. I think in the past I have, and I’ve learned from it. I don’t depend on men. I have my own career.”—Lauren Conrad, in response to The New York Times assertion that Heidi Montag is a feminist hero because she doesn’t pine after guys. [On a personal note, I cannot believe these two twits are who the Times wants us to choose from.] [Celeb Edge via Jezebel]

After each season’s finale, you only hear bits and pieces about what former Runway contestants are doing, even past winners. But pretty soon Chloe Dao is going to blow up. In the near future her designs will be sold at stores around the country, not just at Lot8 in Texas, and right now you can buy a bunch of her designs for cheap on QVC. 

SonyPictures.com

21
Starring Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey, Jim Sturgess
Based on the book by Ben Mezrich
The Lowdown: Okay, so I am not sure if 21 totally qualifies as a “chick flick,” but it’s got most of the variables: Kate Bosworth + hot up-and-comer Jim Sturgess + one somewhat tame, but still sexy love scene=good enough for me. Based on the true story and best-selling book, Bringing Down the House by Ben Mezrich, 21 is about six MIT students who are led by their professor (Kevin Spacey) to become experts in card counting. Through the use of fun disguises, fake ID’s and fancy hand signals, they manage to take the Vegas casinos for millions. 

The Hills girls are hardly the sharpest knives in the drawer, but we love Whitney for her funny one-liners, crazy faces, and impeccable style. 

AP

Trojan has asked Johnny Depp to be the spokesman for their brand, hoping that he’ll star in TV commercials promoting magnums (we knew it!) and help them with their sex safe campaign in which the brand plans to send free condoms to Third World countries. DListed suggests that the tagline for the Magnum campaign be, “If if it’s big enough for Johnny, it’s big enough for you”, which cracks us up and also makes us kind of hot. [DListed]

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There are so many things involved in attraction. From clothing to chemistry, a never-ending list of items can be turn-offs.  But sometimes differences are a turn-on, from magnets to men, you know what they say: opposites attract. Still, some things are so repellent, they’re dealbreakers.

Oh, the joy of making all your girlfriends swoon with jealousy by showing off your hot new man! After years of being the token single girl, I dreamed of the day when I would finally get to introduce them to a sexy boyfriend of my own. When I magically found myself dating a real package deal—a guy with a good job, even better looks, and a singing voice so sweet I was proud to call him “honey”—I couldn’t wait to bask in the bragging rights. So, I invited my friends to a country karaoke night at local dive bar. I just knew he’d knock a song, and my friends, out.

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Last week, we discussed who gets the ring if an engagement is broken off. But what do you do with the ring if you get to keep it? It’s not like you can wear it on another finger—engagement rings are just a little too distinctive-looking. Well, Dita Von Teese took her diamond from former husband Marilyn Manson and had Christian Dior make it into an even more gorgeous ring. “It’s nice; it’s big. I feel like I suffered greatly for that diamond, and it needed to be reborn into something better.” [NY Times]

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It was like out of a dirty dream: I was lying on my back on a stainless steel table completely naked when the door opened. Owen Wilson walked in with a large white sexy toy looking thing, wearing a lab coat. He looked so hot I could barely stand it.  As he walked near me he started to talk…

“Hi Kate, my name is Dr. D.”

Oh that’s right. No, I am not lucky enough to be having a sexual role-play encounter with Owen Wilson. I am pregnant and seeing my OB/GYN (who happens to look and talk just like the You, Me, and Dupree star) for the first time. A girl can dream though right?  Especially when the reality is as unexpected and bizarre as any nighttime mind wanderings.

Dr. D explained to me why he was holding what appeared to be a massive sex toy; it was an internal ultrasound machine, which would allow him…me…to see the baby. As my lady parts (the parts…the position, that got me in this situation in the first place!) were being poked and prodded, I began to contemplate how the hell I got here.

Essie.com

Winter is officially over, meaning you might want to abandon that super dark nail polish, unless it’s your signature look or you’re Ashlee Simpson. We’ve really been liking Rihanna’s fluorescent nails at the Grammys and in her ad for H&M. (I’m totally copying her by wearing neon pink right now.) When we were looking around for new nail polish colors, we came upon Essie’s spring line and realized that each of the six colors has a name that relates to dating. The best color by far is Looking For Love (left), a lovely lavender. Part of the reason fluorescent nails seem so appealing right now is probably because spring means pastel to a lot of people, and pastels can be pretty freakin’ boring. The rest of Essie’s spring line, after the jump…

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I once covered a national fat acceptance convention for the old Jane magazine.  As I sat in a room full of men who were the spouses of big beautiful women, they all had one unanimous lament: why doesn’t my wife think she’s sexy, especially when I, her husband, do?  These guys would tell their special ladies that they were hot, but just by the mere fact that they had to constantly reinforce their wives insecurities made the men feel like they were wrong for loving them. Their taste was insulted by the very object of their affection. Now a new study has shown that dieting really affects both people in a relationship. 

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When I think of virtual reality, I think of those goofy Star Trek-looking visor/headsets that people thought would transport them to their ultimate fantasy world back in the early ‘90s.  I certainly never thought the term would apply to my life. And yet, for more than a year, I was involved in what can only be deemed a virtual affair – a torrid, explicitly sexual relationship with a dude whom I never screwed, kissed, or even touched in real life.

Well that’s not entirely true. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like one of those Internet relationships that are sparked by desperate people in the wee hours of the morning in singles chat rooms. This was a guy that I knew. That I’d met. That I’d flirted with in real time and felt instant, palpable chemistry with—the kind that you can only really feel if you are in the same physical space. But our “relationship” was never consummated. Not even close.

Dogs are becoming such a big part of people’s lives that once-popular names for pets (Spot, for example) have been abandoned in favor of more human names, at least when it comes to female dog names. According to research by Veterinary Pet Insurance, the most popular female names are Bella, Molly, and Lucy (full list after the jump). The top 10 male dog names, on the other hand, includes names that I wouldn’t consider naming a son, i.e., Buddy, Rocky, and Buster. My dog’s name is Guinness (that’s him in the photo), which is certainly not a human name. With the female dog names, I kind of wonder whether women are naming their pets what they had once intended to name their own offspring. [USA Today]

“Is there a secret to being awesome at oral sex? I’m not sure if I’m doing it well, and I’m not about to discuss my technique with my friends.”—Needing Lessons, Santa Fe, NM

The real secret to oral sex that nobody ever talks about is that you have to be into it! You know how passionate you get about buying shoes or watching the latest episode of America’s Next Top Model? Put that same gleeful cheer into fellatio, and you’ll have your guy going through the roof.

With that said, there’s a few “tricks of the trade” (I totally sound like a hooker) that will spice up the average beej. My favorites, after the jump…