Liveblogging “The City” Premiere

Whee!!!! It’s time for “The City” premiere. Did you guys happen to catch “Bromance”? All those guys in the hot tub — talk about douchebag soup. Anyway, after the jump, I’ll be breaking down all the haps on the first episode of “The City.” 10:00 ZOMG I am SO excited to hear Whitney add “-ing” to every word!
10:02 Do the stupid Pussycat Dolls sing the theme song?
10:03 So supposedly Whitney doesn’t realllllly work at DVF. Oh really? How shocking. I also heard that DVF is selling like total crap, which is why the agreed to do the show — for publicity. I already want to stab Olivia Palermo in the face, FYI. She is obviously a dumb c-word. Yes, C-WORD.
10:06 Okay so, my prediction that Erin was going to be smarter than Audrina…yeah, not so much. She seems dumb as rocks. But sweet! Ooooh Jay! Token hot guy alert.
10:08 I love hearing foreigners do an American accent. We sound so stupid. That is a short skirt, Whit. Whore!
10:15 Whitney slept over at Jayyyyy’s placccce….tramp. We have no idea! Okay, Olivia Palermo is working the DVF show, my ass. Her employment is more B.S. than Whitney’s. Oh and BTW, now we know why Whitney was wearing that ridiculous head garland at last week’s “Hills” finale — it’s DVF.
10:18 Olivia is a C-word. A C-WORD. She loves a firm handshake? But would that break her little anorexic hand? Um, I would be worried about Olivia asking Whitney to bring Jay to her little posh dinner party — homegirl seems like a boyfriend stealer.
10:19 I like Jay. He can smell Olivia’s bad vibe. And he’s right — do not get involved with the rich kids and the art dealers’ kids, Whit. You’re better than them. And the fact that Jay doesn’t want to go to that stupid party is a good sign, even though he’s passing up a chance to hang out with Whitney.
10:25 Okay, Erin seems cool. Like she’s not caught up in the stupid socialite scene, which, by the way, anyone who is awesome thinks is LAME. And Olivia’s cousin — do you think he wants to eff her? Or do you think he’s a closet gay? Is that sparkley dress that Whitney is wearing the same as the black one she was wearing earlier? Also, Olivia SO wants on Whitney’s man. So wants.
10:27 The amount that Olivia is asking Whitney about Jay is kind of psycho. Warning bells should be going off. But, ruh-roh, is Jay about to pull the fade? Olivia is a crazy lady. She wants Jay to stick his P in her V, just so she can rub it in Whitney’s face. This girl is EVIL. JAY! Jay came!!!!!! So romantic!!! Barf.
10:30 Oh god, they are so cute. I’m a sucker for an Aussie. Okay, on to episode two…
10:31 So Alex was dumb as rocks and sort of ugly despite being a male model. Okay, so Alex. Since when do boys tell women about guys cheating on them? Don’t guys just keep quiet about that stuff?
10:35 Jay better not be this big of a d-bag. That will piss me off! Don’t pull a Justin Bobby, Jay. Don’t do it. I like Whitney because she’s straight up — she’s not interested in the chase or game playing. Also, nice mirror sunglasses Jay. Nice.
10:37 Olivia and her stupid ass c-word-y cousin need to rot. They make me want to puke. Non-New Yorkers, this is for you — New Yorkers are not like Olivia and her c-word-y cousin.
10:39 So do we believe Jay’s explanation for the whole Dani-story? I’m not sure I do, but he’s pulling it off well.
10:45 ZOMG, Olivia was a DEB! You don’t say! She had her first pair of Manolos at 18, ZOMG. Love itttttttt!!!!!!! C. Word. That said, I do love Manolo Blahnik, the dude. He is a character. Have you guys ever read the blog written from his POV? It’s hysterical. Mr. Manolo totally HATES Olivia.
10:47 Ugh, Tenjune. Heinous. Whitney, you are cooler than that sausage fest. But I do love Erin’s sequined headwear. Also, there’s stalker Alex! I hope Jay beats him up. Dude, Alex needs to get some pride and GO HOME. I mean, it’s not like he’s looking out for Whitney’s best interests. He’s just bitter that she likes Jay and not him. Also, take your beanie off, shlub.
10:55 Ughhhh, I am soooo sleeeeeeeeepy. Is this almost over? It’s good, but two episodes back to back is too much. I LOVE KELLY CUTRONE!!!!!! Callin’ it like it is on ol’ Olivia “C-Face”. “She got a job? Very unusual for her.”
10:58 Whitney should tots get a gyno rec from Kelly Cutrone.

And with that I say, GOOD NIGHT.