We got so many responses, both in the comments and via email, to Christiana Yiallourides’ story, “Girl Talk: The Girl Before The Girlfriend,” that we decided to pepper her with questions about the phenomena, which seems to have resonated with so many people. Women and men, by the way. After the jump, seven questions with the girl before the girlfriend…The Frisky: How many times have you been “second best?”
Christiana Yiallourides: I have been “second best” six to eight times, depending on the parameters you set on the definition of that phrase.
F: You said in the story, “I choose the chance of being the girl before the girlfriend over giving up the chance for breaking my streak.” How do you remain hopeful?
CY: I guess despite my bad luck, I’m a romantic — I love the feeling of sparking with someone new, I love the first kiss, and when the times are good, I live in the moment and let the excitement wash over me. However, that makes the letdown that much worse.
F: Do you think you’re scaring men away, as some people may suggest? Or have you in some way prepared them to be in a long-term relationship?
CY: I don’t think I’ve scared men away — the extenuating circumstances surrounding the men mentioned in the story play a large role in them not choosing me. My first love was in Europe. His feelings for me were just not strong enough — or the new girl must’ve been spectacular. Ken always held a candle for Mary, while Brian had a much longer and complex history with his ex. I don’t see a way that I prepared them for the relationship, though.
F: At the end of the day, why do you think you’re the girl before the girlfriend instead of just the girlfriend?
CY: If I could ask the guys that this happened with, they’d just shrug and say, “Dunno.” It may just be sheer bad luck. I also like what some commenters on The Frisky said, that I’m choosing the wrong men, and they end up with someone who they’re just a better match with.
F: How soon after one of your dating disasters does dating become fun again?
CY: I use kissing and dating new men as a distraction from real heartbreak, so dating is immediately fun in that regard. I get to feel attractive again. Whether that distraction actually helps me get over pain is another matter.
F: Have you met lots of women for whom the “girl before the girlfriend” phenomena has been a problem?
CY: I really, really haven’t met other women for whom this has been a problem. Most women I know are able to mourn the natural demise of a relationship that broke up because of some dissonance or disagreement, not because he fell in love overnight with someone else. Yeah, I’m not bitter at all…
F: A couple guys have written and said that they’ve had the experience of being the “boy before the boyfriend.” Might a guy like that be a match for you?
CY: They would probably be a healthier match for me, but as we can see, I end up being attracted to men who aren’t right for me. And, two people with bad luck doesn’t always result in a good match either — Ken himself used to be the boy before the boyfriend.