Faking It: Sports Knowledge 101

Holiday time for men means one thing: sports, sports, and more sports. Christmas Day alone has five basketball games on. This weekend is the last regular season game for football and playoff spots are on the line. And hockey season started not too long ago. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you need to keep reading. Whether you are forced to watch games at your man’s house or you want to hit up the bar to drink away the Scrooge inside of you, knowing a little bit about sports will impress the jingle bells off a guy. Yes, we know there are plenty of women out there who are sports obsessed. But there are also plenty of women who aren’t — and we don’t want you to suffer. After the jump are some basic things you need to know about sports to get you by during this holiday season.

FOOTBALL

What you need to know:
1. Sunday is the last game teams will play to have any chance in hell of making it into the playoffs.
2. Games you are looking forward to on Sunday, December 28th, because they decide playoff contenders (TV broadcasts depend on your city):

  • New England at Buffalo, 1:00pm EST, CBS
  • Miami at NY Jets, 1:00pm EST, FOX
  • NY Giants at Minnesota, 1:00pm EST, FOX
  • Dallas at Philadelphia, 4:15pm EST, FOX
  • Denver at San Diego 8:15pm EST, NBC
  • 3. Some of the best players in the game, whose names you should toss around casually: Brett Favre, Tony Romo, Terrell Owens, Eli Manning and Ben Roethlisburger.
    4. The Tennessee Titans have the best record in football at 13-2 which was definitely a surprise this season.
    5. Football is divided into two conferences: The American Football Conference (AFC) and The National Football Conference (NFC).

    Conversation Starters:
    Here are some additional things you can say or ask to make conversation with the guys if you want to try and impress someone. Questions work better since guys will ramble on after that to show off all their knowledge.

    1. “Which team do you think will make it into the playoffs in the AFC?”
    TIP: If you want to really show off ask, “Do you think it will be the Jets, the Dolphins or the Patriots?” They are all fighting for that last playoff spot and it’s going to be a tough one. Only ask this one before 1pm EST on Sunday because that’s when games start.

    2. “Which team do you think will make it into the playoffs in the NFC?”
    TIP: The NFC playoff situation is really confusing. Don’t even play yourself by trying. But this question also needs to be asked before 1pm EST.

    3. “Do you think Detroit will really not win a single game this season? What a horrible team!”
    TIP: Again, before 1pm EST on Sunday.

    4. “Can you believe Plaxico Burress shot himself by accident? What a moron! It’s no wonder the Giants suspended him for the year. He’s such a troublemaker don’t you think?”
    NOTE: This one is true, ladies. I swear!

    5. “Are you impressed with how Brett Favre is doing this year with the Jets since leaving the Packers?”

    BASKETBALL

    What you need to know:
    1. The Boston Celtics are the best basketball team right now with a record 27-2. They have won 19 games in a row.
    2. Kobe Bryant from the Los Angeles Lakers and LeBron James from the Clevland Cavaliers are the two best players in the league. They are both sexy bitches too.
    3. The Cleveland Cavaliers are undefeated at home this season.
    4. Christmas Day Basketball Lineup:

  • New Orleans vs. Orlando, 12pm EST, ESPN
  • San Antonio vs. Phoenix, 2:30pm EST, ABC
  • Boston vs. LA Lakers, 5:00pm EST, ABC
  • Washington vs. Cleveland, 8:00pm EST, TNT
  • Dallas vs. Portland, 10:30pm EST, TNT
  • Conversation Starters:

    1. “The All-Star Game is coming up. Which player would you like to see go?”

    2. “Eddie House and Kendrick Perkins are really great bench players that Boston can turn to — what other bench players do you think really give their team a boost?”
    NOTE: Bench players mean they don’t start the game.

    3. “San Antonio started horrible this season since they didn’t have Tony Parker and Manu Ginobli. But since they came back do you think the Spurs have a chance at the playoffs?”
    NOTE: Tony Parker is Eva Longoria’s husband. Not that any of the boys will care.

    4. “How about the Stephon Marbury drama? Whose side are you on? Do you think they’re going to pay him his money after the new year?”

    5. “Can you believe the Washington Wizards gave Gilbert Arenas all that money and now he’s injured?! They suck!”

    HOCKEY

    What you need to know:
    1. Sidney Crosby is the best player in the league
    2. The San Jose Sharks have the best record in hockey with 57 points. Detroit Red Wings and Boston Bruins have great teams too and look for one of these three teams to win the Stanley Cup.

    Conversation Starters:

    1. “Do you think Peter Forsberg is going to play with the Colorado Avalanche again? I mean he’s got a condo, his girlfriend goes to grad school there and the fans love him.”

    2. “Isn’t that amazing that Sidney Crosby got more votes than Jaromir Jagr for the All-Star Game? Jagr is like a legend, but Crosby is such an amazing talent.”

    3. “Can you believe Dallas suspended Sean Avery indefinitely for that sloppy seconds comment? Who knew the NHL were such moralists?! I mean really! He’s such an aggressive player. Suspend him for beating the crap out of someone not for talking smack about his ex-girlfriend.”

    4. “Are you excited for the Winter Classic this year? I think it’s so cool playing hockey outside. That’s how it should always be.”
    NOTE: This is a tradition when they play a hockey game outside on New Years Day.

    5. “Best bad-ass player who knows how to fight — Colton Orr or Eric Boulton?”

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