Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started!
Back in the day, the Winter Solstice, which falls on December 21st, was a sexy time for all! In Ancient Greece, it was known as “The Festival of the Wild Women.” The Romans danced around with phalluses, cross dressed, and slaves showed their master who was boss — hot! Now Winter Solstice celebrations are all tied up with religion and gift giving, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still have a little extra dirty fun — especially since it’s is the longest night of the year. So, here are my pervy suggestions for putting the happy in your holiday season…
If you want to get toyed with on Christmas, you’ve got to be good so Old Saint Nick will slide down your chimney. To ho-ho-ho it up, don’t go strapping mistletoe to your crotch because handling those twigs and berries could cause a rash. To get your Santa excited to give you everything his North Pole has to offer, turn him on every time he opens up your arousing Advent Calendar. Behind each number, surprise him everyday with risqué pictures, little dirty talk notes, or naughty instructions. This way, as you count down the days until Christmas, you’ll stay in the giving holiday spirit!
No matter how you spell it, eight nights of gifts sounds H-O-T. So, why not spin a little out of control with a sexy game of Strip Dreidel? It’s hard to imagine you can win something better than a belly full of delicious chocolate gelt, but wouldn’t you rather win an eyeful of nakedness?! You play just like normal, but here’s what each Hebrew letter means if you want to show off what G-d gave you:
Nun: Nothin’, everyone keeps their clothes on.
Gimmel: All the players, except for the spinner, have to remove an article of clothing.
Hay: The spinner gets to pick one player to peel a layer off.
Shin: The spinner has to strip off a piece.
How do you know who has won? Well, when everyone strips, everyone wins. But I’d say, unlike the regular game where the person with the most gelt wins, in strip dreidel the winner is definitely the one who gets totally nude first!
The week long cultural celebration, Kwanzaa, means “fresh fruits” in Swahili. So, now is your chance to get things juicy with your main squeeze. With seven nights and seven candles to light, there is a whole lotta hot wax to go around. Celebrate by taking some extra pan-African colored candles from the kinara and melt them all the way to the motherland…well, close anyway. Wax and hair don’t mix. But with some hot action, you can light his fire faster than you can say, “Habari Gani?”
The Chinese Winter Solstice celebrates the balance of yin and yang, dark and light, in the universe. After the longest night of the year, there will be an increase of positive energy flowing as the days get longer. But you can balance your relationship in a flash by following the symbolic clues. Make like a Yin/Yang for a festive 69!
The Hindu Sankranti traditionally takes places on the Winter Solstice, but in modern times it’s been moved back to January 14th. Sankranti means “good movement” and we have an idea that’s guaranteed to make that true for you and your mister! This holiday is celebrated with a morning ritual tribute of water and flowers. You can make the most of your man’s natural wood with a twist on these traditions. If there’s anything that says wake-up to me, it’s morning sex! So, when you get up, take a hot bath with rose water, petals, and your sweetheart to steam up Sankranti!
Don’t want to spend a dime to encourage our gluttonous, materialistic celebratory traditions? Scrooge! Just kidding — as we all know, the best things in life are free! Since it’s a little to cold outside to truly return to nature, I suggest enjoying all the cash free sexy times you can. On Christmas, check out the only international hot spots open 24 hours, even on holidays: amateur porn websites. You won’t loose any cold hard cash, but you are guaranteed to spend your time well by streaming homemade sex videos. God bless the internet!
If you don’t celebrate a holiday around Winter Solstice, you can still get freaky! Everyone’s gotta eat right?! Nothin’ makes me want to chow down more than a cold December night. So, don’t be as frigid as the weather — stay home and make him eat out. Cook up a big delicious meal and turn up the heat by getting naked and becoming the serving dish. Hopefully the dinner will be so good, your man will want to lick the plate clean!