“I’m used to being with bad boys, jocks, and jerks, so the day I met this sweet, easy-going guy, I fell hard right away. But my first red flag should have been the fact that he cheated on his ex-girlfriend with me. I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. He was following that, “Don’t ask, don’t tell policy,” I guess. He broke up with her shortly after we hooked up. He claimed she was ‘evil.’ By May we were exclusive. Now our relationship is long distance. We see each other once a month. We talk all the time and the times we are together are amazing. He’s in the army and now he is moving even farther away. He wanted me to move and be with him, but I have a good job and I also have a son. It would be hard to just up and move across the country. I told him if he ever proposed to me, I’d move in a heartbeat. It’s been almost eight months. He claims I’m ‘the one,’ says he has no doubts about us and doesn’t want to lose me, but he isn’t ready for marriage. I’ve been putting off accepting a good job and buying a house because I’ve been thinking that we will be together. I’ve been waiting and it’s not happening. He says it’s not that he’s not sure about being with me, he’s just not sure about marriage. Should I wait it out? Or move on without him? The long distance relationship is killing me! He told me he has no idea when he will be ready. My birthday is 09/22/1986 and his is 06/24/1986. – Torn VirgoYou’re a Libra, the sign of partnership, which means you’re a sucker for love and a “stand by her man no matter what the circumstances” kind of gal. On one hand, this makes you a powerful partner, but on the other, it makes you easy prey for the wrong guys. Obviously, starting your letter with the red flag statement seems to show that the issue here is of trust and that getting married would prove that he isn’t a player or couldn’t do to you what he did to his previous girlfriend.
While Cancer men do tend to be commitment-minded and family-orientated (not to say he can’t have other influences that detract him from it — like in your case, a man with an Aquarius moon, which causes detached emotions), Cancers also have a tendency to be serial daters. Being hounds for security, they’re not above setting up house with another before breaking up, as to always have someone there for them. Not to say he can’t be a sweet guy, but not all shysters have the same method of operation and some play the victim (like, “my girlfriend is evil,” etc.).
So, getting back to you. You have a career, money to buy a home, a son and knowledge of what you want — your life can’t and shouldn’t wait. You have responsibilities — and great aspects next year for romance and real estate. In his position, being far away and only having to give a one-day a month commitment and all the excuses to not give more, why should he? Sure, when two people have differing opinions on what they need as their commitment, the right answer doesn’t exist. He has every right to feel this way and so do you — however, because of the situation that happened at the start of this relationship; it doesn’t sound reliable enough to bank your future on. The only answer: keep your options open. Why put yourself on hold, while life goes by?
You know what you want — marriage — and there’s no reason for you to put yourself on pause. At best, give him the benefit of the doubt and let him know you can stay around, but that you also want to be free to see other people. Yes, it’s an ultimatum under the guise of a compromise, but if he is willing to let you go, that should say something to you. In the wise words of Beyonce, “If you liked it, you should of put a ring on it.”
Got a question for our Astrosexologist, Kiki T? Email firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to include any astrological information about yourself and any other people involved in your query! For a quicker fix on mastering your man, read Kiki’s astral opus, “The Celestial Sexpot’s Handbook.”