Welcome To Hell: The Saturn Return

Karma is a bitch; that’s the cliché you intensely learn as you hit the period of your life roughly between the ages of 27 and 31, as Saturn, the planet of reckoning, enters back to the position it was when you were born, throwing you into existential angst, creating merciless upheaval and forcing you to own up to who you are and your potential or sinking pitifully to the bottom. Everything you need to know about the Saturn Return, after the jump…Yes, this period of cosmic torment is no joke. Think of it as the astrological Olympics for your soul. As it goes, Saturn takes 29.5 years to go in a full circle and when it does, it means a completion of a cycle in your life. At the end of that period, the return basically is like the mother of all final exams. Some think of this as the final passageway into adulthood, as it takes you out of your element in some way to make you prove your courage. This usually entails some major turning point in which you have no control, like losing a crappy job and having to come to terms with what you really want to do, or loss of a home, death or illness of someone close to you, a severe break-up, etc. Whichever the case, the Saturn return puts your psyche through at least one battery of tests — usually several areas get put under the wire, one if you’re lucky — to see how well you restructure yourself after the fall.

The good news is upon completion of your S.R. (which is a lengthy process), a prize arrives based on how well you completed your tasks at hand. If you took a big risk in the face of all that horror, then you’ll come out a winner. However, if you just held on tight to the same-ole-same-ole and kept life as linear and common as possible, well, then you usually get crumbs. And although this period is hell, you do know where you stand with yourself when you’re done, for better or worse. Of course, after S.R. is complete, that just means you start the next cycle, with another 29.5 years to prep and so on and so on.

Am I In my return?

Currently, Saturn is in Virgo and if you are born between July 26, 1978-September 21, 1980, you are in your return and it won’t be over until Oct. 29th, 2009. The next group to head into the grinder is the Saturn in Libra girls. If you were born between Sept 22, 1980-1982, your S.R. will begin on Oct. 30, 2009 and go until Oct. 6th, 2012.

If you were born before then and think you’re off the hook, think again. With Saturn, no one is ever done. Yes, the catch is that although the Saturn return is the most intense of all the periods this planet dishes out, no one is ever fully immune to its harsh lessons. Depending on which area of your chart Saturn resides in, it teaches lessons in that area. For example, if it’s in your money house, it’ll be a time you’ll have to restructure your finances. If it’s in your first house, your house of identity, it’s a time of reflection and defining what you see. Yes, as Saturn sees it, no one ever gets off easy.

(For more insight into this hectic time, I suggest picking up “Surviving Saturn’s Return” co-authored by my friend and the very lady that taught me about Saturn Return — Sherene Schostak, who also happens to be a belly dance instructor and Jungian psychotherapist — now does that sound like a combo that would steer you wrong? I’d think not.)