Girl Talk: Dating A Bi-Guy
Emotional cripples. Religious zealots. Man-babies. My recent dating roster could serve as a police lineup of degenerates, liars, and serious letdowns. Naturally, I’m hypersensitive to red flags these days. So when a guy I’m interested in tells me that he’s a “bisexual,” shouldn’t I run? Perhaps. But once I got the initial panic out of the way (OK, I called my friend and frantically yelled, “911! 911!”), I let his confession marinate. Then I decided I’m not going anywhere. Or, if I do, it’ll have nothing to do with his half-gayness.
Granted, when the guy came out of his demi-closet to me, I didn’t know him very well. I’d met him a week or so prior, when I was in town from Chicago, visiting a friend of mine. Needless to say, I was a sucker for him right from the start. He’s completely and totally adorable, and sometimes even sports a newsboy cap (reminiscent of Christian Bale in “Newsies,” which has provided me with sexual fantasy fodder since 1992). He also happens to harbor a sweetness that many New York City guys seem to lack. So, we kissed near the bathroom at the bar, and then I took him home with me.
He gave no indication he swings both ways. The bedroom stuff was hot. Really hot. There was neck biting and hair pulling. He was aggressive and self-assured, and not at all afraid of my girlie parts. For the record, if that’s half-gay, I’ll swing that way any night of the week.
So when he told me the following week that he was bisexual, and that I’d have known that if I knew him in Chicago, I couldn’t help myself. Immediately, I felt rejected and like I’d been duped. It’s just that so many gay guys I know have started out by saying they’re bi. Catch up with them a year or two later, and there ain’t a girl in sight. He assured me that wasn’t the case, and based on my experiences with him, I had to agree: He likes girls. He likes girls a lot, in fact.
I’m pretty open-minded. In some ways, I was disappointed in myself that I’d been so surprised by his bi-side. I don’t know if it’s because I’m obsessed with “The L Word,” but bi was something I’d mentally assigned to girls, not guys – and especially not to guys I was seeing. Ever since I was a teenager I’ve believed people aren’t wired to be gay, straight, or otherwise. I think anybody has the capacity to fall in love with anyone, and gender has nothing to do with it. And this guy? He gets that. That’s a really good thing, in my book. Also, he sometimes wears eyeliner when he goes out. Hello, Brandon Flowers fantasy.
To be honest, I’d never before considered it a turn-on to picture a guy I’m into making out with another guy, but there’s just something about this one. I’ve recently confessed to him that he’s like crack — and I’m addicted. (I know, I’m so romantic.) While most of this has to do with his entirely charming self, I think some of it can be attributed to the fact that in a short period of time he’s turned me on to a whole new way of thinking. He’s managed to surprise me, and that in itself is intriguing.
Despite the advice I’ve received from some of my friends, him being bi is nowhere near a dealbreaker for me. I love how open-minded he is. If anything’s going to keep me from dating this guy, it’s distance — not his affinity for dudes.