15 Most Unfortunately Named Fashion Items

While fashion is an industry that celebrates all things wearably beautiful, the names it gives many of its items are quite the opposite. Here is a list of the top 15 biggest offenders.

1. Muff
A fashionable winter accessory that’s back in vogue, a muff is essentially an (often) fur-lined, warm hole. This is one item that seems aptly named, if unfortunately so.
2. Shrug
Not only is its name unfortunate, but as a piece of clothing that covers the boobs and highlights the midsection, the shrug itself seems a bit misguided. This is definitely a name and a trend we’re happy to pack away for a while.
3. Clam Diggers
Not a name we hear too much anymore, Clam Diggers are three-quarters pants that are longer than shorts but not quite ankle-length. Hitting around mid-calf, Clam Diggers now go by the decidedly less awkward name, “Capri pants.”
4. Panties
Maybe the most unfortunate name on the list, panties is a word that at least half the population (male and female, alike) has a hard time even uttering. Sadly, “underwear” isn’t much better, and “knickers,” the British version, isn’t exactly an upgrade either. Isn’t it time to create an alternate name?
5. Girdle
Sounding more like the name of a death rattle than an undergarment meant to smooth and flatter a woman’s (or man’s!) body, the girdle is poised to make a comeback. With a name like that, though, I wouldn’t be surprised if its reincarnation is short-lived.
6. Uggs
You didn’t think we could leave everyone’s favorite ugly boot off the list, did you?
7. Spats
Adding a bit of flair to footwear, spats were a shoe accessory popular early last century. The name, however, sounds more like a medical diagnosis. ”He can’t make it to the party — he’s got a bad case of ‘the spats.’”
8. Skort
It’s not quite a skirt and not quite shorts, it’s a skort! It’s also something that most self-respecting women over the age of 12 probably shouldn’t be skorting, I mean sporting.
9. Skong
Like a skort, a skong is a hybrid item, blending a skirt and a thong into a fashion product that serves no point but to titillate. Too bad its name isn’t more effective.
10. Dickie
A mock turtleneck (see Honorable Mention below), a dickie is one of those rare items that rivals the potato sack in its lack of sex appeal. Sure, Angelina Jolie would look good in just about anything, but could she carry off a Dickie?
11. Mukluks
You may know them better as those fur-covered boots that turn an otherwise stylish woman into the Bride of Bigfoot. Mukluks is a name — and a look — that should be retired.
12. Pasties
Another item that would do better with a sexier name, “pasties” is a name that seems better suited to little boys who worship female pop stars and know all the words to “Spamalot.” “He’s not really interested in girls, you see, he’s a bit of a pastie.”
13. Cummerbund
A broad waist sash worn with dinner jackets and tuxedos, a cummerbund sounds more like a grammatical error you might learn to avoid in 8th grade English class. “Molly, your sentence had a incorrect gerund, a dangling preposition and an awkward cummerbund. Please re-write.”
14. Wife-beater
Unfortunate, indeed.
15. Chaps
Designed to provide protection for the legs while riding, um, horses through bushy terrain, Chaps sound more like something the wearer might need protection from. Please pass the Chaps-stick.

Honorable Mentions: Stirrup pants, Mules, Spanx, Bloomers, Culottes, Turtleneck, Crocs, Choker, Merry Widow