The Best Boob News Of 2008

While it’s hard to measure your boobs for a bra, it’s easy to measure a year by them. And 2008 certainly had its peaks and valleys! The economy sagged, Barack lifted us, Heidi Montag made us heave, and Tina Fey perked us up. All in all, these past 12 months have been a titacular time! So, here are The Frisky’s favorite mammary memories of 2008…

February 12
Dolly Parton’s knockers set her back on her “Backwoods Barbie” tour schedule. But in a couple of months she was feelin’ better, lookin’ good, and hittin’ the road again. She’s got boobies that just won’t quit!

March 5
Japanese bikini model, Serena Kozakura, was found guilty of property damage, but she appealed the decision by claiming her 44-inch bust wouldn’t have allowed her to commit the crime and she was vindicated. Tits to the rescue!

May 15
Starbucks gets a new topless logo that shows off the mermaid’s milk jugs. And here we thought the employees were the only ones working for tips…

May 16
Ogling men’s chests is tots legal and not a punishable sexual advance says a U.K. court. That’s quite a double standard for our dynamic duos.

June 26 launches to Ba-rack the vote!

July 1
Artist/furniture maker Mario Philippona made a wood chest he calls the “boobie case” to resemble a set he saw in a sauna. As Einstein says, genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration!

July 22
Nipplegate, the Janet Jackson tit shot seen round the world, was finally resolved. In a landmark decision, the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals repealed the FCC fines for the “accidental” half-time strip show.

August 19
A New Zealand court rules to allow a topless “Boobs on Bikes” parade. No word on if it caused any cases of whiplash.

September 5
Lindsay Lohan is just a girl who can’t say no….unless you’re Hugh Hefner. Even though we’ve already seen her whole shebang, she turned down $700,000 to pose for Playboy.

October 19
A Swedish Study finds three cups of coffee a day can shrink your bra cup size. That sucks! [Page Six]

October 21
Cleavage Creek wines releases bottles with breast cancer survivors, like Carson Daly’s mom, on the label as a fundraiser. Cha-ching for chi-chis!

November 10
Salma Hayek admits that she’s addicted to breastfeeding. We’re pretty sure, when her baby gets too old, Salma could find a man for the job.

November 11
According to a class action lawsuit, Victoria’s Secret is that some of her bras could cause a rash. Hey, don’t you buy sexy lingerie for the itch you need someone to scratch?

November 12
Researchers Professor Alan Preece and Dr Ian Craddock at the University of Bristol developed a breast imaging device that uses harmless radio waves as opposed to radiation and doesn’t smush melons! Plus it provides an MRI quality image in only six minutes. Their invention is currently being tested in the UK. Hip, hip, horray!

November 27
Kim from “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” claims she’s posing for Playboy, but NeNe’s totally natural breasts won an award! That’s another boob slap in the face for the stardom hungry “singer.”

November 28
A health insurance company refused to cover breast reduction surgery for a woman suffering from back problems with the defense that she’s fat. Sadly, even with that BS rhetoric, a German Court ruled in the insurance company’s favor. They put the boo in boobs!

December 2
130,000 of breast implants are lost at sea off the coast of Australia. So, rest assured, if you get shipwrecked in the area, you will be able to find a flotation device, no problem.

December 3
A woman suffering from neck and shoulder pain due to a car accident has just had her disability revoked. A Swedish court ruled that her problem is her large bust, not their small penis complex.