Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, Even With Girlfriends

Girlfriend break-ups can be just as traumatizing as regular old break-ups with boys. The process is even similar: the anger, sadness, mourning, and finally, acceptance. While you may not have left precious clothes, expensive facial lotion, or significant jewelry at her house, you do feel like a real part of your soul missing as there’s really nothing like a good girlfriend. What exactly happens when we decide (or our friend decides) we’re just not a good fit anymore? Girlfriend break-ups are just a fact of life as we grow up. Ask your Mom if she has any. No doubt she’ll share a story or two with you; mine shared one with me recently. It seems to happen when either lifestyles change or physical distance is present. We women are notorious for self-reinvention every couple years and also simply changing naturally—whether it’s the way we look or what we do—we incorporate new behaviors and people into our lives as we mature. And not all of our friends are supportive, unfortunately.

A friend recently told me she experienced a girlfriend break-up because her friend felt she had become boring; she stopped drinking during the week. Their every Thursday wine date spontaneously combusted and her friend flat out couldn’t deal with it. Another friend lost a friend who seemed to “disappear in the night”—I lost one like that, too. Puzzling and disappointing.

My most painful girl friend break-up happened about four years ago when I sadly realized she cared more about the men in her life (or lack thereof) than supporting me during a family tragedy. The experience was enough for me to say “no more” and cut ties with her after a long and emotional conversation. The sadness I experienced for a full year was much like some of my break-ups with boys; I would look through pictures and do a mixture of laugh and tear up, go over fun times in my head, and even search her on social networking sites to see how she was doing. But that only made me sadder! Though each time I did the math and went through “our last time together,” I realized that we’d simply changed too much and this experience was too deep a scar for both of us to move on. In fact, we both tried at separate times to “kiss and make up,” but it was just too late. By then, we’d each grown awkward toward one another and had probably listened to too much advice from the circles around us.

It seems the best cure for surviving a girlfriend break-up is to look around and take inventory for the friends we do have. I sometimes look at the girlfriends I am blessed with and wonder, “What did I do to deserve each and every one of them?” A true girlfriend can truly make your world go round. But, like romantic relationships, friendships are as precious as potted flowers. They need to be watered and given proper light and nurturing. If they’re not cared for, they can wither away with the changing seasons.

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