• Relationships

10 Butt-Kicking Breakup Ballads

Over the weekend, The New York Times’ advice column, “Social Q’s,” got a query from a recently dumped girl who just couldn’t seem to cheer up. Writer Philip Galanes pointed out, the proper soundtrack can get you grooving to your own gloom! He singled out Pink’s new anthem about getting back out there after her own divorce, “So What.” He then encouraged the sad soul to sing along at full blast until it became her new mantra: “So, so what/I’m still a rock star/I’ve got my rock moves/And I don’t need you.” Yeah, that’s some solid (as a rock) advice! But Pink isn’t the only one who has weathered the storm after a split. Since misery loves company, here are The Frisky’s picks for beating the blues to get you back in the mood to be your butt-kicking self! ”Well I know that I’ll get through this/
’Cause I know that I am strong/
I don’t need you anymore.” – “Believe,” Cher
After her divorce from Sonny Bono, she strutted around in a full body leather g-string on a ship full of marines. Those boys may protect our freedom, but Cher certainly knows how celebrate hers!

“At worst I feel bad for a while/ but then I just smile I go ahead and smile.” – “Smile,” Lily Allen
This sadistic little ditty is guaranteed to at least get a smirk out of you. When someone hurts you, it’s always nice to get the final laugh.

“I saw the sign and it opened up my mind/
And I am happy now living without you/
I’ve left you, ooohhh!” – “The Sign,” Ace of Base
After a split, even if you didn’t see it coming, you can totally trace back the details that drove you two apart. It’s gratifying to take credit for being able to read the signs and it’s even better when you can groove to the bragging.

“Time to move on with my life now/ Leaving the past all behind/
I can make my own decisions/
It was only a matter of time/
Sometimes I look back in anger/ Thinking about all the pain/ But I know that I’m stronger without you/
And that I’ll never need you again.” – “When The Heartache Is Over,” Tina Turner
Ms. Turner is a breakup inspiration and she has lived to tell the tale. The sexy sexagenarian got away from abusive Ike, made it on her own terms, and now, we all applaud her performance.

“I loved you endlessly/When you weren’t there for me/So now it’s time to leave and make it alone.” – “Bye, Bye, Bye,” N’Sync
This empowering good-bye is a kiss off you can pop and lock too. You know this is probs what JT sang to his ex-boyfriends Lance Bass, Joey Fatone, JC Chasez and Chris Kirpatrick.

“Now that you’re out of my life
/ I’m so much better
/You thought that I’d be weak without you/
But I’m stronger
/You thought that I’d be broke without you/ But I’m richer/
You thought that I’d be sad without you/
I laugh harder.” – “Survivor,” Destiny’s Child
Beyoncé breaks it down for the dude who tried to break her heart.

“But since u been gone/I can breathe for
the first time/
I’m so moving on/
Yeah yeah/
Thanks to you/
Now I get
what I want/Since u been gone.” – “Since You Been Gone,” Kelly Clarkson
Well, now that Kelly’s rich and famous she’s really gotten what she wants. It’s too bad for her ex, but she’s only profited from his loss.

“At first I was afraid/I was petrified/I kept thinking I could never live without you by my side/But then I spent so many nights just thinking how you’d done me wrong/ And I grew strong/I learned how to get along.” – “I Will Survive,” Cake
There is just something extra pathetic, er, heartwarming about grungy dudes singing a classic disco track about a split. What pussies! If their career can survive covering Gloria Gaynor, then you can make it through anything!

“My lonesome old heart/Is broken in two/I’ve been walkin’ the floor/Every night over you/But our love is all gone/I’m movin’ on.” – “I’m Moving Along,” Patsy Cline
The queen vocalist of broken hearts, Patsy Cline, is a break-up pro. She knows how to move along via song.

“Back in black/I hit the sack/I’ve been too long/ I’m glad to be back (I bet you know I am)/Yes, I’m let loose/From the noose/That’s kept me hanging about.” – “Back In Black,” AC/DC
This totally rad metal track will get even the saddest bitch back snarling- no matter what color she’s wearing! Although, nothing classes up a rebound quite like a LBD (little black dress).

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