Our Theories On Kim Zolciak’s Hair

Kim Zolciak finally discussed her hair/wig on “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” reunion special last night. We were excited to learn what the real deal is with that obviously fake hair. But sadly, Kim let us down because she really didn’t reveal anything. She said she had been very sick, lost weight, her hair fell out and a “doctor friend” told her she had cancer. She then admitted, as a total afterthought (like no one would hear), that she didn’t actually, have cancer, but had “other stuff going on.” Since we may never know what was “going on,” unless she writes a tell-all book, we’ve come up with some theories of our own. Check them out, and suggest your own, after the jump…

  • Theory #1: Since Kim’s hair color of choice is platinum blond, we think she fried and dyed her real hair to death. So she’s opted to wear a wig while it grows out and repairs itself. We think this is the most probable theory because Kim appears to wear a lace-front wig and she has to have some real hair in order to make it look natural.
  • Theory #2: Kim has trichotillomania, a compulsion to pull out one’s own hair often in frustration. If I had her voice, I’d be frustrated with my singing career also. Or maybe Kim has sought treatment for this disease and wears the wig to cover the evidence. This may explain why she chain smokes.
  • Theory #3: Like Jessica Simpson, Kim is trying to become a country music singer, so she needs BIG BLOND HAIR. But before this she tried to start a pop music career and cut and dyed her hair like Rihanna. When that dream went POOF!, she decided to hide the evidence with a wig.
  • Theory #4: Kim’s sugar daddy Big Poppa likes long, blond hair. And whatever Big Poppa wants he gets (like two women!). Kim was willing to do whatever it took to keep the money rolling in. Plus when she removed the wig while role-playing, it was like Big Poppa was cheating on his mistress.