I used to think strippers had it easy. They show up for work in the evening, shake their asses for a few hours, make their rent and grocery money in one shift, leave the club for the night, sleep through the morning, go shopping before work and then start the whole cycle all over again. I thought that as long as you had some rhythm while wearing five-inch heels, were reasonably flexible and had few inhibitions, you had it made as a stripper. You’d be rolling around in dough on Egyptian cotton sheets in no time. I was really wrong and it only took me 10 minutes to figure out that strippers WORK for all their money. More after the jump.Last Friday, my girlfriend and I took a pole dancing class at Shockra Studio in New York City. I knew this would be a new and exciting way of exercising for me, but I also hoped I’d learn some new seduction techniques to use on the BF. I had visions of coming home horny and slightly intoxicated (my girlfriend and I had cocktails before the class and had plans to imbibe a little more afterwards). I’d remember everything I learned in class and my normal performance anxiety would disappear because I was a new sexy woman. I’d tempt him so much with my new stripper abilities that he would want to ravage me halfway through my routine.
Sadly, my little fantasy never materialized because I’m not great at pole dancing. In fact, I’m not even mediocre. I didn’t expect to be perfect at working the pole immediately, mind you. Years of dancing when I was younger taught me that, but I thought I’d at least get a new swagger and attitude, like Sasha Fierce.
First off, to say pole dancing is difficult doesn’t even begin to tell the story. You have to twist and contort your body in ways that only come natural to someone that practices yoga on a consistent basis. You also have to have extreme leg strength. It looks like strippers are using their hands and arms to hold them up on the pole, but they’re actually using their knees, thighs, shins and ankles. It’s something like climbing the rope in high school gym class. I never had to do that, so I was really unprepared. Did I mention that you use your stomach muscles and hips to propel you around the pole? And when you’re not on the pole, you’re on your knees. I wear high heels almost every day, so at twentysomething my knees are almost shot to hell. Being on all fours on a wood floor and flipping my hair around was not my idea of a good time. Oh, and the other thing is that you’re trying to do all of this with rhythm. By the time the class was over, I was too sore to engage in any activity. I just wanted a glass of wine and a bed. Any bed.
All this isn’t to say that the pole dancing class wasn’t fun. You can really bond with your girlfriends and have some great laughs. I’m actually considering joining a workshop. But this time it will be the booty shaking class because I won’t need any extra equipment and I’ve been working on my pasta butt lately.