Doin’ It With Dr. V: Rebounding
Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My passion for pleasure has happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but has also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…
So you’re suddenly single and you’ve got a metaphorical itch in your crotch and need someone to scratch it. While breaking up is hard to do, some of the best sex stories are about rebounding. It’s one part luck, one part needs, one part reckless abandon. When your heart is broken, you have to be reminded that your feminine wiles still work, perfectly. HOW IT HAPPENED TO ME
After my boyfriend stood me up, again, I dumped him via his voicemail. All dressed up for our date with nowhere to go, I decided to head out to shake what my mama gave me. That very night, I bumped into an old pal and then we bumped uglies.
WHO’S TO BLAME
Rebounds are brought on by your natural womanly needs and a rift between your heart, your brain, and your vag. Your pride has been wounded by a breakup, so you have to get some validation to your V ASAP! Rebounding can be a very important step in the healing process. It will help take away some of the painful sting from a split. It will remind you how independent and free you really are! And it can help you feel sexy again.
You’re recently single…well, may just feel that way even if you weren’t official with the dude. Whatevs. Forget your heart, listen to your va-jay-jay. It’s telling you to get down on it!
WHAT TO DO
There is only on solution: Flirt with strangers until one of them makes you feel like you still got it!
The traditional method: Get all gussied up and go out with a girlfriend you can trust. Pick a social activity, then start drinking and schmoozing. Then, hone in on a hottie, but don’t force it. With a good rebound, you’re not asking for much from a lover, so at least get what you want. Go for a type of guy you’ve always been curious about, but maybe never been romantically linked to in the past, like the musician, the bartender, someone who doesn’t speak English, a younger dude….walk on the wild side!
Now, some people like to “date” their rebound to pretend it’s turning into a relationship. Well, that is, 99 times out of 100, plain silly. Rebounds are supposed to get you back out there, not get you locked back up! Latching on to somebody else so quickly to solve your sorrows, will merely make you more confused.
WHERE I WENT WRONG
I rushed into things and I inadvertently used a guy friend. The sex was hot, do not get me wrong! He felt so exciting and new, plus we could read each other and I could also trust him not to steal my TV. But the next day he was all emo, telling me he wanted to stick it to me forever. That’s was a nightmare. My beautiful, carefree rebound was ruined. It was a major backfire that made me chock full of regret from a friendship ruined.
The moral of the story is, only handsome strangers are suitable for rebounds — unless you want to destroy a friendship. Plus, if you ever are meant to explore your feelings, right after a breakup isn’t the right time — you’re too vulnerable. No one can just change partners that fast.
NOTE: There is a loophole. If it’s been like a long time since your breakup or you’ve suffered at least one rejection since then, than a rebound can develop into something more. But usually, you’re just cruisin’ for a bruisin’.
Depends. Don’t pressure yourself to get it done in one night. That can lead to disappointment…even if you do wind up with someone — just look at my friend faux pas. Give yourself a chance. However, try not to drag it out unnecessarily. We’re just talking about a little something to put a smile on your face to get you back in the mood for love. :ook for someone you have good physical chemistry with. If you like him for his brain, save him for later, after you’ve rebounded.
It all depends on you. Potentially, there could be some humiliation. Desperation reeks, mistakes suck. You don’t want to cause a set back, you need to move forward, that’s the whole point. It’s tricky to navigate rebound territory. Remember the key, keep it relaxed. Go with the flow!
1. Be Reasonably Selective: You don’t want to wake up, see the dude, and scream like you’re auditioning for a Rob Zombie movie. Beggars can’t be choosers, so don’t be a beggar.
2. Shut Yo Mouth: Do not talk about your ex. Ever. Under any circumstances. If prodded, just laugh it off.
3. Keep It Classy: But be true to yourself so you can feel confident in what you’re wearing.
4. Repeat Performance: Screwing one person is a rebound, but after three, what you have here is a new lifestyle trend. Whether it’s a relationship or fling-after-fling, don’t kid yourself, you’re lettin’ loose!
5. One More Time: You can totes do the same rebound guy more than once. It could get messy, but you should at least try to keep it dirty first.
6. Sex Is Optional: Last, but most importantly, you do NOT have to have sex to have a satisfying rebound. Sometimes, just knowing someone is totally ready to take you home or a super hot make out session can be enough.
It’s your party. Tip #6 is totally true, but, if you want to get it on, bring more than one condom. Rebounds are the highest form of hate screwing because you’re getting out your anger without having sex with the person who hurt you. Plus, you’ve got the added oomph of some new stud! It’s so steamy, it’ll make you almost want to keep breaking up with people so you can keep having rebound sex.
1. “On The Rebound” is an upbeat rock n’ roll piano track, by Floyd Kramer, without any lyrics. That’s right, no talking, just licks. It’s a classic!
2. Some people pick up stray dogs. Kirsten Dunst likes to date recently dumped dudes. So, if you’re into having your predicament fetishized, there are plenty of willing partners — just look around a bar.
3. Serial rebounds are called “boomerang boyfriends” because you keep going back to them after each break up.
4. “Transition girlfriend” is another term for when a girl gives a guy the true new relationship experience. Although she thinks he’s just a little hurt puppy, she’s actually just nursing him back to single life. You lick his wounds, then, when he’s strong again he leaves you to lick others.