The Real Housewives Of Atlanta: Who Should Be Kim’s Next Big Poppa?
One of the biggest shockers of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” season finale was the breakup of Kim and Big Poppa, after only seven months of dating. We can’t believe she thought he would propose to her. We’re going to assume that he dumped her because, let’s face it, Kim had no reason to end things with her sugar daddy. We think the best prescription for this heartbreak and budget-ache is for Kim to jump right back into the dating pool. Check out who should be Big Poppa II after the jump. George Hamilton: At first we thought, why George? But then we realized he and Kim have a lot in common. George was voted off “Dancing with the Stars” after only six rounds in 2006 because he wasn’t as limber as the other contestants. He wooed the judges and audience, however, with his silly yet endearing dance routines. Like George’s dance career, Kim’s singing career is rather comical. He could teach her how to laugh at herself, save face when embarrassed and know when the jig is up. Also, their first date could be couple’s tanning, since they both enjoy getting toasty. And since George’s former domestic partner was Kimberly Blackford, he won’t have to get used to another name. Maybe he’ll even start calling her “Bronze Mama.”
Jonathan Antin: Unless you were a big fan of the reality TV series “Blow Out,” you probably don’t know who Jonathan Antin is, but he is a well-known celebrity stylist. But since we, and pretty much all “The Real Housewives” fans, think Kim’s wig needs a makeover, Jonathan would be perfect for Kim. He could teach her about quality human hair wigs or extensions, so she wouldn’t have to use recycled Barbie hair anymore. And he could introduce her to his sister and Pussycat Dolls creator, Robin Antin, whose phony singing group could be Kim’s career model.
Tom Cruise: Yes, we know Tom is married to Katie Holmes, but don’t you think Kim would make a great Stepford wife, also? After all the drama with NeNe that was orchestrated by Sheree, we know Kim is easily manipulated. Kim would be the Church of Scientology’s number one devotee in no time. Well first, she’d have to stop smoking, swearing and drinking, but those vices can be cured with large sunglasses, a scowl and some retail therapy.
Anderson Cooper: Anderson doesn’t discuss his personal life, so we have no idea whether he’s single, but we do know he’s a big fan of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” Plus, he has Vanderbilt bucks, but has made a profitable career as a journalist. Kim likes guys with mega wealth, in case you haven’t figured that out yet. And since NeNe was Anderson’s favorite housewife, we know he would organize a reconciliation between Kim and NeNe.
Jamie Spears: Now that Poppa Spears has permanent control of Britney’s multimillion dollar fortune and gets to pay himself for all that work, he now has the money to play with Kim. He’ll be too busy fixing Brit Brit’s life to meddle in Kim’s. She’ll be able to call him up for permission to write more $67,000 checks, but won’t have to deal with his parenting. This would definitely be a relationship of convenience for Kim and Jamie will be able to act out any latent blonde bombshell fantasies. Oh, and an added bonus, he could turn Kim’s 11-year-old daughter Brielle into the next Britney Spears.
Simon Cowell: You know we couldn’t leave Simon off this list. He’s newly single and has mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money. And, he can make a singer out of nothing, just look at Clay Aiken. Kim will have to learn to take criticism better because Simon is best known for tongue lashings aimed at would-be singers. But some excessive shopping will cure Kim’s blues.